If you survive the arousal of the Kundalini and 55 years of life you are bound to learn something sooner or later and there seems two or three steps to such growth of knowledge and understanding. While you are actually having experiences you don't consciously worry about all the implications, though, down deep your mind is always working to make sense of what is going on. It takes years, though to assimilate all your experiences and even more years to come to some conclusions about what it may all mean.

For example : I panicked the first time I realized my vision implied a Christian universe, because I had a lot of bitterness and dislike for that religion and also blamed Christ for what a lot of his adherents had done to me both in this life and in my past lives. (A very grave error!) Jesus Christ and the Churches are two very different - things- most of the time. Churches are human institutions run by faulty human beings, therefore always flawed. Christ is the manifestation of God's love for mankind and all of creation, he is both spirit and person of Trinity of Love. A lot of the last 24 years has been the struggle to learn this. I haven't got the 'forgive Christians and Churches for their meanness' thing down quite yet, but I am working on it, what I find is that, after many years I realize they took from me nothing of value and that I am strong enough now to stand on my own, and also, I see them for the poor troubled fellow human beings they really are, instead of the immensely strong masters and Lords they seemed to be. I did forgive God for 'what he did' because, well, He didn't do it - it wasn't His will, was it? Cruelty is never HIS will - it is solely a human sin.

The Past can not change; only our understanding of its meaning can change. Forgiveness comes when we see our true selves and see our enemies as they truly are.


What broke is my trust of others - my fellow human beings and it is nearly impossible to put back together. I doubt I will ever belong to any community ever again. (in any real sense of the word.)
I can forgive and I struggle to forgive, but I cannot, yet, forget. That will take some time.


Healing takes time but it does happen. Patience is a very hard lesson but it will ease your suffering if you learn it !


It doesn't help that I have dared to have the very experiences that make me either a mystic or a heretic or a mad-woman - or maybe, as I like to think when I run afoul of some poor fellow Christian, all three. God never promised a rose garden, dear people, He just promised us that we would NOT walk the world entirely alone, HE would be with us, always, even to the end of the world. Trust that it will all make sense in the end!

We are not alone on our long journey through lives to that end we can not see.

God's spirit of Love is always with us. He loves us and Knows when we are attempting a very hard thing, think of a rose, as it blooms, do you think its efforts are without pain?


God is LOVE, there is no darkness in Him/Her. He/She is the down-flowing of creative love through all the universes and planets. He is truly our Father and Our mother. He can no more hate us than a cat can be a dog - it is not in His/Her nature!

Trust God's love. Trust Christ's presence. Growth happens, maturity grows. There are holy souls that no longer come to earth and the Angels, those spirits who were never human yet serve the light. Call on these friends when you need them. You are not abandoned. You are loved.

We will never know the full nature of God or the universe. We are meant to explore and ask questions,though. It is not a sin to be curious about how it all works, it is a virtue ! We seem to see but dimly the Whole while we are in the Flesh, but no doubt it all makes sense & is a WHOLE thing - one fabric.


One of the things that really frustrates me about the nature of human life/mind/understanding is that Science-philosophy-Spirituality are in a war of ideas that never seems to end. Science wants to be master of men's minds but can not rule the heart, etc... I believe, like the Renaissance philosophers, that we see the eye of God (his basic nature, his being) IN nature - that nature is another book that reveals the nature of God and there is no divide between the great disciplines of the mind, heart and soul ! I foresee a day when the Kundalini will be understood in the scientific sense of the word, when even the soul might be proved in some manner. I would suggest that consciousness is different than mind and that is where the work needs to be done. We may never understand the true nature of the "super" natural but we get far closer (to understanding) than we are today. Someday someone will prove that consciousness as energy can stay coherent - together - when it is outside of the body, hence, ghosts and souls.

The soul is immortal and never dies, it is never destroyed by anything humans or the mortal realms do. (to it.)
True death does not, therefore, exist, only death of the Flesh, exists. Ego is transitory and temporary. I have seen many of my past lives, some in detail, some as mere scenes. I think I have about 144 or so past lives. I see them as people standing in concentric circles, circling or even dancing about the hub which is my soul. The furthest back was just a hint of hunter in a very primitive setting telling a story by a campfire as the women cleaned the deer. The last 16 of them, since Christ's life, have been spent here in the West working to bring God's kingdom to earth. I must be a very stubborn soul to take so long to evolve ! But, seriously, for me reincarnation is just a FACT, it is how the universe works, get over it and come to terms with it. I am surprised how much I am like my past egos and how much they were like me - same faults and failures, same virtues, same sins, same goodness. It must take many lives to change even little things, entirely, 'to tie off the pattern in the weave so it does not repeat itself, once again.' To me the whole point of life is to do well at it. Strive to leave life knowing more and being better than you were when you entered it. Live a real life, a sincere life, don't sleep walk (don't take drugs, that kind of thing!) and don't forget, that, that precious ego that you build with each day you live is just a temporary vessel to carry your soul.

Creation and Creativity is when we are closest to God.

Find things to create. A child, a book, a beautifully run house, a sweater, a dress, a business, a painting, a pot. Don't go through life and leave nothing behind when you die. Creativity of beauty, even if it a good meal at the end of the day brings you closer the Divine ONE who created all things in his mind and heart of Love.

Love is not an easy or soft thing. It demands giving of ourselves. It demands doing what is hard to do, not what is easy. It demands risk and willingness to suffer pain and loss. If you love as Christ teaches you will willingly suffer for what you love and believe in most. It is self sacrificial Love.

This, I believe is why so many people find so much satisfaction in hating both Christians and Christ. Jesus Christ did not teach soft human love - he taught a message of a love that is perfected, divine, in its intent. So much of modern culture, today, is the soft love of ease, the liberal love of merciful ease. " Give the poor money so they will leave me alone and so my conscience is eased!" This is not God's love. God's love pushes us to get off our soft behinds and work, strive & study. It demands we become MORE than we are. It sees our full potential and will give us some fine pushes to become what we CAN BE. That is real love. It isn't always pretty and it often seems harsh until we get past the barriers of internal growth and see with wonder, what we are becoming !

God's love pushes us to do those things that are not easy. God's love can cause the Beloved to suffer for a greater good, to even die for a greater good, this is not cruelty but a sign of trust and love. We can be knights in the Army of Light who willingly go into battle for the good of our fellow creatures. We can serve the Light as fully mature men and women.

This is enough for now. It is getting late and I really need to do some housework. It isn't nearly the end. Remember this, though - I give these observations as a gift. You don't have to conform or feel that I am criticizing you. If you hear criticism - it is internal! Instead of feeling pressured, feel, instead, that I am an older sister talking to you about the real world and what I have learned... put these words in your heart and think about them from time to time. They are meant to be seeds, nothing more! (And, yes, they are my second steps!)

I have now and then admitted to others my personal belief in reincarnation. Sometimes, the results are very good, other times, well, not so good. Christians (not all!) tell me I cannot be a Christian and believe in reincarnation. They quote church fathers, declarations 1500 years old and the bible to prove to me I can not Love Christ and be a Christian. Sometimes, I argue, but lately --- it doesn't seem worth the effort. I sometimes end up telling them to mind their own sorry business and allow me to Love whom I love in the way I LOVE Him! And, no, that doesn't make me the most popular person among my fellow Christians. Most of the time I just don't tell, which gives a new twist to the phrase "don't ask, don't tell" doesn't it ?? But they totally miss the point of why I am a Christian... for me, Christianity isn't about me, at all - being saved isn't even important to me, at least, saved, in their sense of the word. For me all of life is a search for understanding and meaning. Why do the good die end while the evil ones prosper? Why do the powerful ones always seem to have the last laugh over my decaying bones? Why is it so very hard to understand the universe and its laws? Why am I here? What is the meaning of life - is a punishment, a reward or something more? If there is a God - a source of being - does he love us or hate us? I could not rest without the answers. I was seeking the meaning of life not salvation. Ironically,I think I found both in Christ's kingdom of Love.

Scientific, rational and atheist types tell me I am mad to think there is anything more than what I perceive with my senses. I tell them that they live in a very limited universe within encasing walls of stone made of their own thoughts. In a lot of ways, they are just as bad as the Christians who think I am going to hell because of what I believe. We all know the types I am talking about. What is funny is some of them are very poorly educated, actually. Not scientists, at all, but just young men and women who think they have all the answers. The last time I thought I knew everything was at the age of 16! (I didn't!) I truly pity them because they don't have the imagination to see that the universe is both a lot stranger and a lot bigger than what they can sense and weight. Science is not a religion to believe, it is a way to explore the universe of matter & energy.
I think scientific components will be discovered in much of what we mystical types testify to in some future time and place, there are aspects of consciousness that may be understood better in the future. Scientists and believers in science, today, are almost as arrogant as the priests who told Bruno,and, later, Galileo that the earth could not orbit the sun because in the Bible it says the sun orbits the earth. I find myself wishing that we would discover Atlantis, Bigfoot or Aliens just so scientists would need to say "We're sorry, we thought we knew everything - we don't!" I think a great many people forget that science isn't as much about what you know already but what there is left to be discovered! Science is about theories and measuring and weighing until you prove those theories. The Beloved theory of today can end up in the trashcan, tomorrow, if new facts or measurements come into focus. Science was created by man so he could better understand the nature of the physical universe - not so he could limit himself, in new way, even worse than the limits religion imposed on us at the end of the Renaissance!

I will debate with others if they seem up to effort but I do not want to convert others to my point of view... I want others to take what I say seriously but then to work on their own world view and philosophy, even their spirituality. Only the weak and insecure must convert others, the wise ones know better. Present what you know and believe and then forget about its effect on others.

It is wiser to say "I don't know yet, but I respect your point of view!" than "What I know is all there can be in the universe!" For me first hand experience within myself is proof enough. I base my life on my inner truth because that is all I can ever really know for sure. I do not trust experts of the religious kind or the scientific kind to tell me what to believe or what not to believe. I will consult them, but my philosophy and world view are my own creations, not the creation of some philosophy teacher, theologian or scientist.

Only children and puppy dogs worry about others think of them. A mature person, and, yes, it takes a lot of maturity, does what she or he thinks is right and necessary to be a good person and damns the consequences and the good opinion of others. This is one of the major lessons of my life and lives. I would rather be hated and thought a fool and be true to myself and my soul than loved by everyone and a betrayer of my True Self & Jesus Christ. When I get frustrated with the current concerns over what the world thinks of us, I mutter something to the effect that "I rise every morning and pray I can offend one other person before I dress!" If you want to think further about such independence of mind I suggest you read or watch the play "Cyrano De Bergerac" by Edmund Rostand.

There is a suggestion in many books that there are groups of souls - almost families that all reincarnate together time after time. Some think it is about time, itself, and time, when we enter it, takes us to the people and places we knew before, as perhaps, a river flowing. Others say it is just how karma works. This should be almost obvious, shouldn't it? ... who best to teach you not to murder than the person you murdered, or, on the positive side who should you marry but the beloved friend of many lives? These groups may have a joint karma of some sort, also, and time after time we meet, live and die ... serving, loving, hating, working, striving with one another as a group -oh, I want to clarify - these groups are bigger than just families.

One image that really helps me think about my past lives is a vision I had a long time ago. I saw a rug, handwoven, it was a tapestry of all my past lives and at the end, still on the loom, was this life as Kathy ... there were patterns in the rug, some lives were made with brilliant colors, some, less, but there were patterns kept repeating themselves, time after time. There were also gold and silver threads woven in times when I was working particularly hard to serve the race or I suffered for what I believed. Will there be a time when the rug is finished and I tie the ends and carry it to my Father in heaven and present it to Him as a gift? Maybe, don't know that one for sure, yet. I find that there are many mysteries and much, still to learn. Christ helps me weave my life, he throws the shuttle sometimes, and, sometimes, I throw it... still, it is my rug.

Believing in reincarnation makes me very appreciative of the time I have on earth, of the people around me, my mind, creativity... of all the chances I have this life to evolve a bit more fully. I know things are never quite the same from life to life and the beauty and challenges of life are the spice that makes the hard work of evolving bearable. I started this life asking is life a punishment or a reward, both or neither. It can be both but our decisions and choices can make it a pleasure and a reward of the first order. We make our own heaven and our own hell here on earth. We carry our hell inside of us like old Marley carried his chains. We carry our heaven like wings upon the back of an angel. We sow, we reap... and the cycles continue. We are literally our choices... So choose the light !

I have learned that appreciation and gratitude are two very big lessons that we must all learn to be happy - happiness comes when you learn to practice both, even the hard times should be appreciated (another chance to learn a lesson and get past the darn thing!) and gratitude that we are given endless chances to change, grow and mature into conscious souls of worth and beauty. Christ is always there, for us, when the lessons are painful, but, the choices are always ours. And, yes, sometimes we are own worse enemies!

Pain is part of the class room. Pain teaches us a lot. It is necessary. Learn to bear pain and understand it. Don't run away from it. Sometimes the only way past pain to go through it.

Keep faith with God & Karma. The universe isn't random atoms flying about - it has patterns and an ultimate fate. Don't be afraid. Be Courageous. Be Strong. Don't worry.
Right now , everyone has suddenly discovered global warming. The universe will teach us what we need to learn and so will the Earth. I have hope that we will learn in good time how to maintain an advanced civilization and care for the Earth. There may be hard knocks ahead but don't be afraid. I think global warming may be just another natural cycle unfolding itself, but I still live and have been living for a very long time trying to love and respect the Earth. I want her to be here for all my lives to come. I love the Earth. God is my Father/mother of my soul but the earth is the mother of my flesh. One will exist for all eternity, the other is a temporary but beloved, home. For me, loving the earth isn't about politics. It is an extension of What Christ said we must do ...' love ourselves, love God and love each other... In this is all the laws and prophets.'
So do what you feel you need to do for the earth, yes, but don't force others to do it (its not loving to do so!) . Do all you do because you LOVE.
Reincarnation should also teach you never to be afraid of death. Death is just another doorway. It isn't that your mind and flesh won't be terrorized when that last breath is taken, the flesh fears death, must fear it because it is the end for IT .. but your deepest self should not. The soul just sighs at the end of a life. "Well, another life done!" The soul fears not death - nor life. They are one and the same. Learn, therefore, to listen to the soul's wisdom. Be ready to work hard and play hard. Enjoy it all.

There seems to be not only individual karma but, also, racial and societal karma. Again, an example is necessary. Edgar Cayce, a mystical prophet of the last century suggested that many Atlantian souls are being born in American bodies & that we must work through the karma of the last battle between the forces of light and the forces of darkness that corrupted the city before its demise. Other issues such as slavery, women's rights within society, the duty of parents to their children, Children becoming good citizens, the way to maintain balance between order and chaos so neither predominates, sexual morals, religious attitudes, conflicts between science and religion ...I would suggest all these issues are karmic issues as well as being modern concerns.

Another observation I would like to make is that many of us may be also old Romans and are dealing with many of the same issues that the Romans dealt with as their society collapsed. I know I am, and, sometimes, I have a strong feeling of repeating patterns when I read the daily news. Barbarians at the door? People obsessed with popular culture? disintegration of order, Chaos, Crime as chronic problems? Oh, yes, been there, done that, long ago! (de'ja' vu)

Do I believe in Atlantis? Yes, but I suspect it wasn't quite as advanced as some suggest. I think it existed at the end of last ice age and may have reached the same point or level of civilization we see in Ancient Greece and Egypt - I, also, believe that it did not sink as much as the waters rose and that it is on a continental shelf, somewhere, waiting for discovery.

There have been many westerners, that is, people who lived west of Athens who believed in Reincarnation. It is not as unusual as some think. My personal favorite is Giordano Bruno, but others include:Origen (Greek Theologian), Socrates, Plato, Goethe, Ben Franklin (who had the the courage to mention it on his gravestone!) The Albigenses, also known as Cathars , Jewish mystics (the Kabalists) and numerous others. For details look for the book "Reincarnation: the Phoenix Fire Mystery" complied by Joseph Head and S. L. Cranston. My copy is somewhat old so look in used book stores and on the net.

If you think in the soul's way you see that it is worth mastering subjects and working hard in life to become good at what you do. Think of a Mozart, who came into life already a master of music... how many lifetimes did he have to work to have a life where it came more or less easy to write his incredible music? It doesn't mean you won't have to work but you have lifetimes to master those things you consider important. Your interests are hints to what you worked at in your past lives, also, you don't have one lifetime to master knowledge but many. Plato suggested that teachers do not actually teach students - they remind them of what they already know! You will attracted to those things you valued in your past lives.
As Christ said, don't worry - who can make herself taller by doing so ! (I am 4'8" so I should know.) Honestly, though, worry just silences the voice of the soul... that deep well of knowing and understanding that we all have and worry makes spirituality impossible. And, yes, I know it is almost impossible not to worry. My husband says I am a mistress of the worried face look.

There was a song, a long time ago, "Lovely to see you, again" was one of the lines. The Moody Blues sang it back in the 1970's. Reincarnation implies that no one is ever gone and therefore, no one is ever lost, forever. I find this both comforting and troubling. It is one thing to meet up with a good friend - but what about your enemies, for instance, the man who signed your warrant for arrest as a heretic ? (ouch!) Also, the implications are that we have Hitler's rebirth to look forward to, someday! Not pleasant, is it? So what do you do when you meet an old enemy? I actually have and there is only one way to break a pattern and cut the threads connecting our souls, forever, in such a case. It is forgiveness. Hard to do but the patterns keep repeating themselves until an issue is resolved and forgiveness acts like a cosmic scissors. This seems to be one lifetime when all my old enemies walk up to me and introduce themselves, and, I, looking straight into their eyes say the word to release them. Tell you the truth, I just don't care any longer. I got better fish to fry and worrying about the past is hardly the way to go about frying them!
Revenge and anger, even hurt feelings are like glue.
Let things Go. No use, holding on to the past, its gone, over with, it's history !

I do not honestly know if there is a heaven or a hell but I tend to believe in heaven - or, as I call it, Eternity, as a final resting place where God, Christ and all those who no longer reincarnate, abide. I don't mean a literal place up in the clouds, either, but states of being... dimensions of consciousness that exist along side and even within the universe. It seems that vibration, energy, light has something to do with these dimensions - the higher the vibration, the higher the consciousness and the closer to God you are, and, the lower the vibration, the closer to complete evil and darkness you go... I tend to think of hell as not a place of fire but a place of utter stillness, pain of abandonment and dark chill - the death of love. It is heaven I imagine as a fire, not a painful fire, but the fire that does not consume, the fire of love and utter passion, completeness and wholeness. LIGHT. I do not honestly know what happens to those souls who choose the darkness of hate, materialism, egotism and cruelty for multiple lives. I have read a lot about the subject but I have never come to final conclusion. I would suggest that they will cease to exist when this universe ceases to exist and that their fate is in none-existence but I admit part of it is that I don't think God would punish souls forever, what is the point if you can't ever be redeemed or choose to be redeemed ? It would be kinder to end their existence. So hell? I have my doubts. Some have suggested that they might be forced to evolve all over again! (I am a one celled *@#&3 WHAT???!) The Hindus suggest that if you become too arrogant you fall down to the bottom and have to work upward,again. Can you imagine the shock of an ancient, evil soul when it finds itself a beetle rolling dung up a hill? Perhaps all the memories are washed clean of the soul while its basic energy reminds? There is that universal rule about the conservation of energy, after all, perhaps it applies to souls, also? I have chosen life after life to serve the light so its not something I need worry about, except theoretically.

I do not believe in transmigration once a soul becomes human. I think it's just I don't see how my soul could fit into a cat's or dog's body. (I wouldn't mind a cat's as long as I had me as a mistress!) There is another reason that I will bring up in a later essay. I admit it makes for silly, amusing movies and novels but it doesn't feel right to me. My soul is too complex, anyway, I see no reason to return to my animal roots, I have learned those lessons, already! I do believe that our souls evolved with the animals of the past until we needed a more complex brain to express ourselves, which hints that both forms of evolution are connected in some way. My suggestion is that many of us evolved through the 3 or 4 million years it took apes to become human - and, perhaps, even, before that - For some reason I sense that what ever the soul really is, it is ultimately tied to the entire evolution of life. I see - sense - interplay between the evolution of soul towards union with God and the evolution of our physical bodies towards more and more consciousness. Remember, whatever the evolutionists say about survival of the fittest, evolution seems to favor evolution of more and more complex minds: minds capable of emotions, thought, concern, reflection. The first simple cells didn't do much of anything but reproduce, that cannot be said about mammals. It is in the nature of our minds that we see a lot of what the nature of the soul is... reason, thinking, remembering are examples of the mind-soul connection.

What does the recycling of the soul through numerous lives imply for the human condition, the nature of the individual and the fate of the race?
There is a reason why mankind exists, we are not an end product of physical or spiritual evolution but part of a continuum that has been going on for 3.5 billion years (perhaps far longer) and will continue for millions of years to come. There is a spiritual realm. Souls exist and are capable of living outside a body for long periods. In truth, it is likely that the natural state of the soul is as a form of coherent (sticks together) energy that is most comfortable when it does not have a body. The body is like the uniform of the student and is not permanent form.

Evolution: change, growth, improvement, refinement and survival is a law of the universe and happens at every possible level of existence. Mankind is evolving - all of us, towards something we can not yet imagine.
I believe that souls are coming in to existence, that souls are evolving up through the animal phylums, and the souls of individual humans all reincarnate so there is an inexhaustible source of souls. There is, also, the possibility that souls travel between worlds and dimensions, but if they do, I suspect it is only when the soul is ready for a change of classroom.
We never escape our fate- our Karma. One of the great questions of human life is why do the young and innocent suffer & die when monsters like Hitler and Osama Bin Laden live into middle age, sometimes, even old age? Christ said those who live by the sword will die by the sword but there are many violent men who die in bed in old age. Some mass murderers, for instance, are never caught. How can God allow such injustice? This question has caused despair for generations of mankind and life rarely seems fair to us.
The truth is that God allows us free will - He allows us choices because He wants us to choose to be his friends and lovers as free creatures. The universe is just, however, and, it is through the law of karma that the universe carries out its justice.
The Earth and by extension, the entire universe, is a class room and no one can fully understand the lessons of another student. We do not know what future lives a Hitler or a Bin Laden will live, or how many centuries it will take them to choose the light. We are here to learn, study and excel and Karma is the teacher. What you give is always reflected back to you, both good and bad, so always work towards the good. It will make life easier in the long run. Goodness is not good only for others, it is good for you, personally, it is self interest that causes us to choose the Light of God and Love. It is wise to strive towards holiness, love and goodness.

Suicide is always a very great evil... we are here for a reason, suicide is running away from the lessons, but no one ever truly escapes and their actions will follow them like hounds for many centuries. It is better to be courageous, face the hard lessons, and learn.

While Karma is a very complex issue to contemplate, it can loosely be described as the results of our actions. It is rarely as simple as cutting off someone's hand so your hand is cut off but Karma is the discipline that all souls must absorb if they are to evolve. There is good karma, an example might be a couple has been married before and been very happy and kind to one another, so in future lives, they may meet again and choose to live another happy life, together. They help each other to grow and mature as souls. Another example might be if someone has sacrificed their lives for others & for their beliefs in past lives, they will be given spiritual advancement because of their service to the race.

Because of my choice to be Christian, my interpretation of reincarnation is different from the Eastern philosophies. I believe that we are meant to serve mankind, to help our brothers and sisters to evolve. Therefore, leaving earth & mortal life behind is not a necessarily good thing. I do not seek Nirvana and have no need to return to my source of being forever. Christ, who is our brother and master, has not left us alone. He is right here, in the realms of the spirit, helping all of us to evolve into what he is. Those who follow him do not need to stop reincarnating, no, we need to grow into mature Christian souls who can help all of mankind become more loving, more Christ-like. There are centuries of work, fun, and effort ahead. As Christ said, he came to give us life more abundantly and as he also said we will do greater things than He because He is in eternity praying and aiding us - He said that it is enough for a student to become like the master... and, this, is our ultimate fate, to become like Him in all things. We are meant to be ONE with Him, the spirit of Love and God, united forever in a spiritual marriage of mutual love.

Each life reflects our past lives. What I mean is until a soul becomes a mystic and begins to release the ego (die to the self), letting go of everything that holds it back from soul maturity, we are fated to live through every bit of our karma. Christ is the Lord of Karma and has the power to release us from our personal karma, to some degree, but that is only when we become his friends and serve in his kingdom. I believe that in each new life we must mature as animals, growing up and then mature a little further as souls, using our adult lives to become mystics and die to the ego or self - but, I also suspect that the more lives we live as mystics the easier the surrender becomes. (though, I can not say it has ever been easy for me!)

When Christ spoke of dying to self so the greater self might live (what does it profit a man if he loses his True Self?) and that we must follow him to the cross, He was speaking of allowing the death of the ego the process of self-knowledge and becoming that makes a person an awakened soul. This soul is living life within and through the body as the consciousness most in control .

..It is as if the soul is controlling the 'car' and the smaller ego, the self, is cooperating with the soul's, and through the soul, God's, desires. Before this process is completed, the ego (lesser self) is like an usurper king who thinks he is the ultimate king of the world. He must be deposed for the true King to rule, and this process is called the dark nights of the senses & soul in Christian mystical literature. Needless to say, it makes for a mammoth and very painful battle in which the individual is fighting within himself for dominion, not only that, but he is both the battlefield and both armies during the battle! The first levels of this process is somewhat similar to the same processes that modern therapy uses to help people through a time of crisis.

Abortion is wrong - an evil, because it is murder. I am absolutely sure of the soul's existence within the body from the moment of conception. The body is created as a vehicle of karma and bears within itself the fate of the individual. Perhaps, an example is necessary: Lets say a person mistreated an invalid in a past life. In a future life he must be born in a body with a physical deformity to learn, first hand, the suffering he caused another in a past life. This is a rough example of what I trying to explain. I remember being in my mother's womb before birth as a soul and choosing to stay and live, in my case, it was not abortion but illness that threatened my young life.

Within the deepest parts of the mind/soul/consciousness of a person the memories of past lives are buried. For some, as Socrates said, these memories are more accessible, for others, less. Sometimes, these memories surface in dreams, day-dreams, visions, proclivities, skills and imagination.

Murder is always wrong, unless it is in self defense or war because we must never think we know what the fate of fellow student should be, murder is an evil in so many ways, but one reason is that we are arrogantly cutting a life short. We never know each other's karma. That is something that only the Universe and God can do.

When a woman chooses abortion she is linking her soul to the soul of the fetus for centuries to come. Only when some crisis beyond simple expediency is also occurring is abortion an acceptable action. I suggest for those who do not want children to use birth control, in this way, conception never happens and the soul of the babe is never encased in flesh.

It was wise to see life not as one short life but as one incredibly long life within different bodies. The bodies are like clothes. Some are male, some female. Different lands, times, places, cultures but the basic nature of individual only slowly changes. There are visits to eternity between lives, that can be thought of as vacations and rest periods, before we return to the class room that is mortal life and strive, again, towards our ultimate fate. Therefore, no one ever truly dies. As Bruno said, if I am not here I am somewhere else, if not somewhere else, well, I am here! (wise fellow that he was!)
All of us are born, live and die, only to return when it is time, and, so, return in good time to the class room.
This enough for today. There is so very much to say on this subject !

Why do I believe in Reincarnation? My experiences have taught me the immortality of my own soul. As a teen of 17, I was very unhappy, but, instead rebelling in an external manner through drugs, alcohol and sex, I became a very internal person, beginning a life long search for truth, reality and, most of all, God. I found myself meditating naturally, even performing some natural yoga, something, I suspect, now, that I knew in my past lives. One night, meditating before a burning candle that stood on my dresser, I looked up and saw in the mirror a long line of individuals, both men and women, they wore clothes of past ages, were true, living individuals & through each of them near the middle of the chest a golden strand of light passed through until it left them & came out and passed through me. I was in what is called a very high state of consciousness or awareness. I remember touching the mirror and whispering "They are in me and I am in them!"
This vision lasted only last a short time. I felt a hand my shoulder, someone was behind me. A man, a spirit, stood behind me. He was hooded and cloaked like a monk.
"You should not have done this, you are too young, child!"
" I had to know the truth, to understand! " I answered in my mind.
"Yes, but you are not ready for this, later, later, you will know everything you wish to know. Rest now and do not do this again until you are far older!"
He directed me to my bed after I blew out the candle. I climbed into bed and pulled the sheets up. I was not afraid, I was indigent that anyone would presume to tell me what to do.
"Why?"
"Too young, Grow up. You will be told when you are old enough."
I suddenly knew him to be a friend - a guide that I had known before.
I nodded. I would wait, grow and mature but I never forgot that night.
I was always a mystical person - someone who walked in both the world of spirit and the world of flesh. I saw ghosts, had visions, intuitions of the future. It wasn't unusual in my family for the women to have gifts... my mom and one sister, my grandmother all were psychic to some degree, in fact, I was considered myself the least psychic in my family! It is, sometimes, very difficult for me to imagine what it must be liked for those who only see one world... for me, it isn't, well, natural. For all of you who see only one world, all I can say is that you blind to the fullness of life and that I pity you as I would pity anyone who could not see all of the beauty in the universe - the entirety of existence is far more pleasurable!
(There, I've finally said that in a public place! )
I did not know of Hinduism, Buddhism or Western Gnosticism. I was a young, quite innocent teenager from a strict Italian Roman Catholic family. In the 196o's children were still allowed to be children... all the prodding & demanding that our society does today to force children to leave their innocence behind was in the future.
I was intensely religious but my faith was suffering under the burden of a difficult life. I won't go into what was causing the pain, but there was a lot of pain both physical and emotional. I wanted to stay in the church, strove to stay there for several more years, but I was disillusioned, and yes, broken hearted. By the time I left my Catholic High School graduation I knew that my faith was dead. I no longer believed. I grieved as a person does for the home they left behind and which, for them, no longer exists.
Such a vision effects the heart, mind and spirit. What did it mean? Of course, it meant the obvious : I had lived before, something, that my life had hinted before, though, I did not recognize the hints for many years. Somehow during this time, I grew to believe that my life was a punishment for what I had in the past... that God was angry at me for past sins and this life was a discipline to teach me to do the right thing. I struggled to be a good person. I even tried to believe for a time that there was no God and the universe was just a balance of forces.. but, knowing the existence of my own soul, I was not comfortable with atheism in any form. No, one week only could I bear it!
It is possible to deny the spiritual realms when you are blind, deaf and dumb to them but when you see, hear and feel them, no, it is not possible to deny their existence. I had seen ghosts throughout my youth, living, as I did, in a haunted house.
One of the great questions in my life was the nature of God. Did he exist, if he did what was his nature? Did he love mankind or hate us? Was he kind or punishing or both? How would I find out exactly Who and What God was - what was his nature, his relationship with me, my relationship with him? I had to wait for my early 30's to find begin that aspect of the journey.

So did my 20's pass. I discovered ancient philosophy & religion. Read everything I could about ancient Egypt and Greece. I did not go to college because of family difficulties so my education was never quite what I wanted it to be, not complete or whole, I have always been disappointed that I did not complete my education, while doing everything I could to educate myself. I cared for my parents who were already in their 40s at my birth, by the time I graduated High School they were nearing retirement. In the next few years I came up with the concept of God that I would describe as God the distant and ineffectual- perhaps, loving or not, but it did not matter because he could not help us one way or other. He was the source of all life and energy and it was through his will that everything began in the Big Bang, but he could not influence life, otherwise.
It was our responsibility to make life better on earth, to help and serve one another and make life less painful, troubling and difficult. Karma was our responsibility. We needed to stop complaining and take the discipline of karmic law and learn our lessons.
I married, at the age of 24, the same dear man I am married to today. Some time in those years I discovered Buddhist philosophy and Hindu philosophy, yoga and, most of all, Taoist Philosophy. In my 28th year my spiritual life reawakened. The doors to my soul began to open and I, with excitement, acknowledged the cracks of light that I saw in their opening. Since that time I have been living a truly mystical life, one foot in the realms of light, one here on earth. It is not always easy to do. I have learned a great deal about my past lives : names, dates, images, episodes - much of it is very personal information that is hard to distill and describe to others - even, to WANT to describe to others.

I know why I am the person I am. I know what my faults are, what my virtues & strengths are. I know why I fear certain things, why some things terrify me beyond all reason, and, most precious, how to grow more mature as a soul - exactly what must be done if I am to evolve into the person I can be, and, yes, evolution happens, on all levels, not just the physical: Human consciousness & human souls are evolving. We are all becoming something far different and more beautiful than what we are today!
Within the history of the past 27 years of my life are the reasons why I am a Christian, why I believe what I believe, how my love of Jesus Christ balances with my understanding of reincarnation and the nature of the universe, but at the center of the past 27 years is my self discovery - my soul's biography.