Too darn good not to post.. why our brains go nuts when we see food while we are dieting or fasting. as in hungry. We all know the response, but now science describes it. With me its chocolate. Or Tomato sauce... oh, heaven.

My goodness, I am busy recently, not crazy busy, but well, busy... Leon's schedule does effect me, also, and he worked 72.75 hours this week. (Boeing weeks start on Friday for some reason that alludes me.) There is talk now of putting him on third shift - the midnight to 7 shift. I think we can do it. But its going to be a rough ride.

I am losing weight. I am down to 166 (our scales.) the Doctor's scales would probably weigh me in the 173 + or - range. I don't look slim but I am slimmer than I was. I am healthier, also - I am not going to be diabetic - my blood sugar went down and I would bet you it will be well into a normal range the more weight I lose. Even my cholesterol and blood pressure are showing signs of improvement - so its worth the attention to food; writing in a journal, extra exercise  and self control I am practicing are all well worth the effort.  January was a 'bear' in many ways including weight loss. It took me all month to lose just 6 lbs. - most of last year I lost weight at the rate of 10 pounds per month --- from September to December - I lost of majority of the weight I've lost so far. December was slow, also, but I did things that caused it to be so.. like, well, celebrating Christmas! I am hoping once it warms up I will be more willing to take long walks and even work in the yard and will return to my 10 lbs. a month average. I would like to stablize at 125 or there-abouts sometime in August.

I am learning how to use the Ubuntu Operating system "Gusty Gnome" - but it's going to take a good year to know enough to make it make sense for me. I like it plenty and would encourage anyone with the time and desire to learn to try it - there are many fine books out there. My favorite being "Ubuntu for Non-Geeks" second edition by Richard Grant. It's designed to get you started and even has Ubuntu 7.04 (Feisty Fawn) as a Free CD in the back of the book. That is the version/release of Ubuntu just prior to mine... soon - sometime in the spring, I think the next release/edition/update of Ubuntu will be available. I understand it will be called "Hardy Heron" - every six months a new release of the operating system is offered for free on the net.

I am also learning the Python computer language. Here is the main website that I am using.
I would suggest that you just take the lessons a page at a time... and try to read some and talk to a friend that already programs Python, if you are lucky enough to have one.. I am - and he's my sweet husband so its even better but I don't feel like I have really mastered anything yet. I am just slowly running through the lessons. One a day.

There are a lot of open source programs on the net that run on Ubuntu (open source means that you could, if you know how to, get into the code of the program and change it.) - there are also some programs that are owned in the traditional sense but are also free - its worth the searching to find what is good and some of it is excellent. Here is a list :
Open Office. (speaks for itself. It is a package of four programs: writer,spreadsheet database,Presentation,  including a small drawing program.)

Picasa - Well if you don't know what it is you must be Rip Van Wrinkle !

Gimp - a picture manipulation, retouching program. I had it on my XP OS and it works just fine, though I have never mastered it as well as I would like.

Frozen Bubble - a cute program that is rather like Dynomite or perhaps 'Break out' used to be The games on Ubuntu tend to be rather dinky (is that a word?) so its down right impressive.

Mozilla Firefox is my web browser.

Thunderbird is my email program

There is a professional grade publisher that I am very impressed with, though, honestly I have just played with it. Scribus is the name of this gem, and NO I don't know hardly anything about it.except it looks impressive.

I've found two programs that do mostly what I want them to do though I have not mastered either yet... One is  Gourmet Recipe Manager.

And the other is gtypist -yep, a typing program. This one is a bit hairy ... I haven't even opened it up successfully, yet. I need to read the instructions and carefully proceed.

There are a few absolutes in this little adventure : You really need to know more about computers to use Ubuntu than you do MS products. It isn't all done for you - Its the difference between being an infant and your Mommy puts the food in your mouth and you eat it (Microsoft products) and then, later, you learn to sit at a table and use a spoon and fork - a Linux Ubuntu system. It pays to know a few basic Linux commands because it a lot easier to work form 'terminal' to get programs to load, sometimes, especially stubborn ones than it is to work from the user interface - GNU. Games are not so hot on Ubuntu. They aren't so fancy and are more reminiscent of the first games I saw 25 - even 30 years ago - there are a few some very good games. One bit of good news is that Java games on the net seem to have no problem running on Ubuntu - I've done it for various games and it seems to work. Ubuntu is a work in progress... thousands of people are working world wide to make it a free, open operating system. There is Microsoft - which is getting more and more expensive in both hard disk space and money as the years fly by... and their products are impressive .. and there is Ubuntu and Linux - for free for those of us who don't want a mother or the expense of Microsoft's products.

 There is (also)  a program called "Wine" that is supposed to be interface between Microsoft programs and Ubuntu but so far it seems that it is rather limited, but I am not even sure HOW limited and, well, honestly - I am not even sure I have gotten to work properly.  I have yet to really understand it. Lastly, It pays to want to learn - to be willing to read a book or two and to have a massive amount of patience while you are learning. I never thought I would see Leon admit ignorance but he is actually learning as much as I am. It's actually FUN!


Here is a big, big surprise : I've begun writing, again ! Like so many,  the great American novel rests on my bottom book shelf - the problem is that its only half written. I've been writing it (OH, MY!!!!!) since 1982. Go ahead, laugh, I've heard it all before. I do enjoy writing - its just it scares me to death to express myself - my upbringing in the dark halls of Roman Catholicism suppressed my natural proclivities to a large degree. Be silent, be little, don't stand out or get in our way - we are the important ones - you are just a little girl.... (growl .. ) I realize now, how utterly squashed and silenced I really am - It is as if they took a flower bud and ground it into the dust. I find any self expression - scary - but you know what ... like this blog - the more you do something  that scares you to death - the more you grow, the more you learn, the more you gain confidence and the will to continue to expand, grow and mature - each step in the process depends on the steps before it; just as this post depends on each letter within  each word. My novel is both science fiction with some mystical/fantasy undertones. It is not a light -hearted story.A great deal of it is serious drama. There is always my quirky humor, also.  I absolutely love my characters and even if I never give them life in other people's minds - at least I finish their story, and, I know they will always live in my own heart. Mellisa, Giordano Bruno, Hilland, Claymore, Craxton, Moreland, William De Landenlas, James the Witch... well, they all really exist - within ME. Its time to write their story. I don't seem happy if I don't write constantly. I always feel that something is missing from my life.

And no, my back room - this study/craft room/sewing room/herbarium/needlework room/library  is not much neater. I keep trying. Too much in too small a space, that is the real problem !!! but I am going to try to get organized, honest, I am.

And, no I am not yet beading as I said I would - I will. Soon.

This one is way too interesting to be ignored - well, surprise, surprise - what we have all known our entire lives, science now explains ... why does science bother with answering the questions that no one asks? We all know what flu season is...  We spend a lot of the winter either dreading the Flu, living through the Flu or recovering from the Flu, don't we?  A couple of years ago I was sick all of a January with the Flu. All of it. Didn't start feeling better until February. I don't know how others fare but I have spent way too many Thanksgivings, Anniversaries (mine is December 20th.) and Christmases totally and utterly miserable. So, a scientific and logical reason  for Flu's preference for the holidays?
Oh, yes, people, there is !  The raw Science behind miserable, sick holidays.

If you have never read about the 1918 flu epidemic (called the Spanish Flu by the people of the time.) I suggest you do so, but read it with the lights ON. Its pretty horrific. It is one of those times you will be glad you missed - just under the Rape of Nanking and the winter of 1348.
 My own parents lived through it - my dad being born in 1910 and my mom in 1913,  but both were so young they did not understand it.
If you don't know anything ... here is a thumb nail from the top of my very cute Italian head :
At the height of the 1st. World War - just as America entered the war and millions of American men were entering the armed forces, a Flu strain appeared. The first American outbreak was in an army camp in Kansas, I believe. The men - all young and strong began to die like fleas on the back of a dog treated with flea soap. The flu may have had several names back then but it was no more a surprise then than it is now, but this strain was the very worse in a 100 years, perhaps more. It spread quickly, of course, men were traveling towards Europe and reaching Europe... It was world wide. It favored everyone but it seemed worse for the very young and the very strong. Men and women were literally dropping dead as they left their homes for work. It killed millions because it was so virulent. It wasn't the flu, itself, that usually killed the victims of the 1918 Flu pandemic. It was the pneumonia that followed the flu almost every time. It was very deep in the lungs, it was still nearly untreatable, and it killed quickly and very efficiently. It was an awful end for the those victims, but it could also be a very sudden death. They literally drowned in their own fluids.
The pandemic more or less ended WWI as soldiers on both sides of the front lines, died. The trenches of the First World War were a perfect place to breed this strain of the Flu. Modern Science has been obsessed with the 1918 flu pandemic because it was a grand test of the science of the time (Just when modern medicine was being born in the labs both in America and Europe.)  and science scored a big fat '0'. They have found samples of lung tissue from soldiers of the time and they have even dug up victims buried in the frozen tundra of Alaska to search for information on the Flu strain that killed so many... They have identified it and cataloged it - but they never defeated the beast. The beast defeated science. If you want to read more about this I suggest the library : key words : 1918 pandemic, epidemiology, epidemics, Spanish Flu. Also, the net offers some information, of course... though, I always suggest books if you want to really understand a subject !
Wiki's 
PBS
 http://www.archives.gov/exhibits/influenza-epidemic/
CDC
There have also been some documentaries on the subject but they won't give much more than I just did - there was  one on the 'American Experience' a while back that will send shivers up your back but won't add to your wealth of knowledge, to any great extent. I do suggest you watch it as an introduction, though.
On a different subject : My honey got home so late last night from Boeing I made him homemade biscuits and soup. I am making soup now because I found out that many canned soups have Sugar in them. I have no idea how many calories dinner had but I had only 1-1/2 biscuits, a little margarine and a 1/2 cup of soup. I think the only thing that truly drives me crazy about dieting is the doubt when I eat - the number of calories, the proper portions, that sort of thing.
 

It's not a very good picture and I could have trimmed it some - but that is a picture of me at 28 years of age. That's the back yard of this house before we tore down the old fence and cleaned up the messy blackberries (what a job - it took 2 decades and they still grow back if we allow them to!) ... I think I was about 120 - maybe even less. Leon and I had just bought our first home and yep, that is my idea of a clever pose. No jokes, please!


I am keeping my sense of humor - sometime in the near future I will find out if I fell into diabetes or missed that horror. I suspect - because I am mostly feeling good, even great - and I am taking off the offending weight efficiently that I may have spared myself  the worse blow to my well-being, debilitating diabetes.   I wish, now, I had started losing when I said I was going to - about 2 years ago, I had finished the cycles of menopause and my body was balancing out, accustoming itself to Middle Age.
I knew a long time that I was overweight, obese to use the medical term - I kept saying I needed to lose but I also knew it was a hard, difficult path. I'd lose a few pounds, then gain it back. It isn't easy and anyone who tries to - has tried to - will tell you that it's one of the harder challenges of 21 st. century life. I send my affection and compassion to anyone who is struggling just as I am. BUT, Lets just do it - for ourselves, for our beloved friends & family and for our future. Most of us - those who struggle as I am doing and for the reasons I am l losing weight - are in the second half of life - I am 56 - but it doesn't have to be a bad time - this next cycle of this life can be glorious, a fine 25 -30 years which cumulates in an honorable end. We are skilled, intelligent human beings with an immense amount of experience behind us - we can give our lives meaning if we but try. That is what I am trying to do. Just be the best Kathleen Mary H. that I can be; develop the best virtues I can, be a good, loving Christian, a good friend and a good wife - give my life meaning and texture so people notice me while I am alive and miss me a little when I am gone... Be creative, curious, self-educated ... and never, never asleep.

As Christ says :Stay awake, you don't know when I will pop up and surprise you !

I would say, and this may puzzle some of you that I may be only another pearl on a long strand of pearls but I want to be a good pearl, not an embarrassment. Another way to say the same exact thing: I want to leave my soul in good shape for the next ego, so he or she doesn't have to clean up my errors and mistakes. How we treat our bodies during life is an important part of maturing as souls. Mistreating or abusing our bodies is as great a sin as mistreating or abusing the bodies of others.

Its not death that terrifies me - that will come, may it come quickly as a blow comes, sudden and without a great deal of pain : what terrifies me are years upon years of suffering, self denial and struggle - a loss of meaning and hope- illness that makes me nothing but an animal, an animal without dignity, at that. I cannot lose my dignity - that is the real killer of the self. I am not an animal, I am an immortal soul that is a fire that burns fire-hot though it never consumes itself. My faith - my gnosticism - informs all I do. I don't believe : I KNOW. The truest part of me is immortal and never dies. The problem is the mortal part : the desires, lusts & pleasures that the body demands as its due. My will is stronger than it. I promise it what it wants but with moderation and in good time - and I keep reminding it that it can't go back to being that young lady in the garden posing for her beloved husband - but I can be a middle-age lady that is mostly healthy and just as thin posing for her beloved husband for a new picture.

The problem with the body is that it is like an animal or a child. Too much discipline and you become a cruel ascetic towards it, a task-master who beats it raw, too little and you allow it to become a self-indulgent & obese, and ultimately, sick creature - a very bad and indulgent parent towards it  - I feel like I am riding a wild horse that I keep trying to tame. It wants to do what it should not do. I want to be kind to it but not indulgent. Merciful, but not to a fault. I am losing weight because I love myself and my body. This discipline is an act of kindness.

Humor : I asked Leon if losing weight means I lose years. He laughed and said he didn't think it worked that way.

What scares me is the time after the diet. I will get down to the weight I am supposed to be about September next year. But I have never quite mastered the after-diet or maintained diet period. I would gain, lose, gain, lose - the peri-menopause gain was just the worse, but, not the first. But how to you maintain weight when it doesn't come naturally to either you or your body? I am studying and reading about it and will continue to do so. I suspect it is going to be as much a struggle as the diet, itself, was. I have no idea how many calories my body really needs per day. I hate math - but its absolutely necessary - why - because the math is working. Calories per day, Basel rate per day ... its all the way things really work.
A final note : I know that to some speaking of me/body and me/soul can be a little jarring but it is basic to how I, as a Gnostic, think. For a Gnostic the body is not the True Self, the Soul is the True Self. The body is the vehicle - the car of the soul.

I looked around for a theme for the season (for my blog) but I haven't found one quite yet - I like Multiply a lot but its not user friendly until you actually know something about how website design works. May I learn more in future.

I am SCARED Stiff about Thanksgiving .... I mean, Thanksgiving on a DIET????????? Here is our plan:
Roasted Breast of Turkey (2 people, a full turkey would go to waste!)
Roasted Sweet Potatoes ( my old recipe was heavy on sugar and orange sauce)
Broccoli with Cheese sauce (I am going to use either skim or 1% milk with real cheese.
Maybe mushrooms topped with Pesto (Just made some, yesterday. ) Maybe some other light things. It is difficult to make a varied and clever dinner for just two people - we eat so little at one sitting and I hate to waste food.
Dessert : I am still at a standstill on this subject. My heart says make one, my mind says no way. I am considering something like cookies with a diet sweetener. I am not sure Leon with even eat one if I make it ... Something made with Yogurt/fruit is a possibility but so is a egg custard. Both would yield to a sugar substitute rather easily. I have always been a clever cook - in truth, a very good cook for a mere housewife.  I make a wonderful 'biscuit' from the Middle Ages called Shrews-bury cakes... made with butter, flour, sugar , a mixture of alcohol, egg and rose water. Leon loves them, and, yes, the original recipe is definitely from the Middle Ages. I could tweak it a bit... use whole wheat flour, artificial sweetener and a Smart balance margarine. I always tweak recipes for amusement, really - so I know what I am doing.  I haven't got this diet/cooking thing-ie quite mastered, yet. Also, if I was to declare a no diet day about now - it wouldn't be Turkey on the table... it would be pasta, salad, garlic bread and home made cheese cake. If any of you want any of the recipes I have mentioned, ask me and I will post them tomorrow or the next day. I make my own turkey rub, by the way - a nice mix of herbs and salt. Rubs are very easy to make and are always over priced at the supermarkets.

 Most cooking is just good sense. I have always had a passion for art of cooking, since my earliest days. I could lament the loss of so much I used to cook or I can look forward and figure out new ways to do things that are a lot healthier and keep both of us alive a lot longer. I choose the later. What I really miss out of my diet isn't sugar - its cheese of all kinds. I fear cheese may have to be the rare and wonderful cheat for the rest of my life.  I have been a cheese lover my entire life ... that and salami ... I could live off of those two foods, but that wouldn't be very healthy.
 - That I need to master new healthy recipes is the obvious answer to my problems. Leon seems against dessert, right now, perhaps wisely ... I want to create new recipes, he doesn't want a sweet tooth eruption. I think he is mostly right but I am also realistic about human nature... I like sweet if it is done correctly and skillfully.
If you want a real fine sugar substitute try Stevia.
 It is a herb from south America that is many times sweeter than sugar but isn't processed by the body as a sugar ... I use it all the time - it actually has a positive effect on blood sugar.  The reason it is not more popular has to do with politics and ignorance. Silly, really. Its a herb, people, no more harmful than sage or rosemary.

I feel really challenged by this first holiday since my diet began... I love food, I love making good food and seeing others eat it. It is a cultural and social aspect of my nature that is founded in my self-identity as an Italian.

 It is difficult to face the fact that food, a passion I have had so long could have killed me - how do you approach food wisely?  Enjoy the wonderful tastes, the challenges of making it, the speed limits of calories?  I don't have the answers quite yet, but I swear I will find them.

I am working on Christmas gifts, now, full time... and we fetched the boxes to send everything, yesterday. Leon's got to work next weekend and we try to stay off the roads during the holidays so we ran Many errands, yesterday. I need to get everything organized as soon as possible.  I never meet up to my own wishes/standards/desires/creative imagination, dear friends... I would LOVE to have done more, made more... my imagination always outstrips my shear ability and the limits of time and effort that are laws of the universe.

A very Happy and joyful thanksgiving to all of you who read this ! Life is Good !! I am actually very pleased with my diet - I am either 183 or 184 by our scales. I don't want to back slide, as you can well imagine. This success is too hard won.  Blessings on all !

I went to the mall today and pretty much finished Christmas - the walk was not that long but I shopped for nearly 3 hours. I must have carried about 25-30 lbs home with me. - ( special note: people who think that mass transit is wonderful should try doing things on foot, first. I don't drive. It is absolutely exhausting to do everything without a car. You have to carry everything with you, the size of things is limited. You come home exhausted beyond anything you have ever felt, before.)

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to diet when you are out shopping.
1. the portions at most restaurants are for made for giants.
2. There are always hidden calories, like the green tea I almost drank that had sugar in it.
3." I am sorry - you can't that sandiwich on whole wheat!"

 I thought I would mention on my blog, though, that I am now 184 lbs. - our scales. I say ' our scales' because we all know the Doctor's scales will weight me heavier... about 9 lbs. heavier if prior experience means something.

 I have thought of something neat to do once I get down to what I want to be - I will buy myself a ring - not sure what metal but I don't think Sterling Silver is very practical so it will be either gold or titanium and I will have the date I reached my targeted weight and the final # of pounds engraved. This will remind me constantly --- never, again ... and will mark what I consider my proper weight so I never forget the effort of losing weight.
I am not sure what my targeted weight really is. I have checked BMI sites by the dozen and I come up with everything from 87 - 130 as an acceptable weight. I am sure my husband and doctor will SUGGEST a satisfactory weight. I think 100 - 115 lbs. is a good range. I am not sure I  want to be as thin as I was at 22 (85lbs.) !
Leon says he will buy me my leathers when I am within 10 lbs. of my objective. Hey, do I look like a Harley woman??????  Imagine me -- little me... smiling and giggling as we take off, sitting behind that gorgeous man - what a vision ! Looking good, being thin, on the back of a Harley ... why didn't I do this two years ago?

I am not sure where MATH and me separated company and swore never to talk again.  I  didn't have an attitude about math at the age of 6. I didn't even know what math was. I think I may have known when there were 2 pieces of candy in my hand instead of 3 or 1. I certainly knew the concepts of 'more' or 'less' I know with certainity, though, math has been my enemy and my abuser for many longer years. Its embarrassed me before everyone and God. It has made parts of my life a living hell. We never had formal divorce proceedings but we have a very poor relationship to this day !

I remember Third grade. God, the nun was a  banshee - and my sister was a nun so I should know! Imagine this black clothed woman with a strange head dress  walking up to your hard wooden seat and pointing down to your work... and saying rather rude things about your ability to do the math or calling you up the black board and making you add numbers in front of your entire class - far worse. (well, now everyone will understand I don't understand this stuff!) Or sending notes home, or telling you to write 8X8 = 64 (it is 64, isn't it?) 25 times before tomorrow because you missed it on the test, yesterday. Or telling your mom and dad - one who works as a maid & cook at the convent, the other as the school custodian exactly how poorly you are doing in math. (I won't mention spelling but I will say that the reports of my poor spelling skills are not exaggerated in the very least!)  And no, for the cook's daughter there is no escaping retribution - there is no escaping anything. Justice is certain and certainly swift. All the adults in your life are fine buddies. There is no home life. There is one life and it is HELL on earth. I have no concept, even in adult hood of getting away with things because I never even tried in childhood. Well, it was more than likely in that year (1963?) that math and I began our hate fest.
The problem is that my memory isn't what it should be. I don't know why. I have problems with numbers... keeping them straight, even seeing them straight - is that a 9 or a 6? is that a 1 or 5? I can look down to a piece of paper and I swear the number is 600 - look back down a minute from now & its 900. No wonder I believe in the supernatural !  Its enough to drive a saint nuts and I'm no saint!  My sister, as I said, a teaching nun at that time, thought I might have a learning disability but I had myself tested in college and I don't. I can to this day, reverse numbers. I needed classes in memory technique and no school teaches mnemonics, today, do they ?  We should , I think it would help kids stay in school to understand how to memorize. I think we make a mistake when we don't give kids a background on how to learn and learn well. I certainly needed it. It isn't enough to fling information before them we need to make them good little sponges that know how to soak it all up!
Fast forward to high school. My lifetime obsession with science. Breaking news, everyone : you can't be a scientist if you can't do math. Oh, well.  Why even bother to go to college if you can't be what you wanted to be? I found kitchens and steam tables rather invigorating work, after all. I was good in history but my father wouldn't pay for a historian's education. Somehow, it all worked out for the best, though. I think I grew to hate MATH when I found out I could never quite grasp it by the throat and make it my friend. It was a broken love affair in so many ways.

(OK - here is the honest truth for all the world to see. I am above average intelligence in all word skills. I am normal intelligence in math skills. There is an odd quirk about my memory skills and I am below average in all memory skills. I found this out at the ripe ol' age of 37. I won't but mention my problem with names & faces. )

What brings all this old nonsense up -after all, we have computers, now... we have calculators, heck, my PHONE has  a calculator in it ! I am a housewife, what math is there is my life?
Housewives don't need no stinking math, right ??? WRONG>
There was the tragic event of the living room/dinning room curtains. I bought lovely fabric (on sale!!). Drew out plans... read books to learn how to measure correctly, asked for help from my husband, cut carefully - sewed precisely with French seams and they were, when I hung them up the first time, 15 inches short. I am not entirely sure why the basic data in that enterprise was tragically wrong. You may not be able to see it in the picture but both curtains have added panels up at the top, using Holme's advice that hiding something in plain sight is sometimes very wise,  I added fabric very carefully at the top. You have to look for it and my seams were perfect. Sadly, though my addition was not. Leon enjoyed that event way too much, I think he found it amusing.
 Well, all life is about learning, right?

Of course, there was the recent problem with weighing beef for my dinner. I had 1-7/8ths. oz. of beef. How many calories was it? I knew the calories for 2 oz. but not 1-7/8ths. My husband does the math in his head, that is what really hurts. He also memorizes tunes. I can't do that either. I can't sing worth a... damn.  I won't mention the times lately when I suspect I added my day's calories wrongly.
There are the numerous times when our check book has been off by hundreds of dollars, when I should have added and I subtracted, when I should have typed in a 9 and it was a 6 & when I refused to add the recent sales tickets to the checking account program because I get physically ill every time I look at a number - so, my husband hints- rather, strongly, I must say that perhaps it IS time to do the checking account. 'Oh, come on, honey.. just one week more of blissful ignorance!'
(oh, OK, I'll do it tonight!)
And, of course, there is my passion for all kinds of needlework. The pattern calls for 2000 yards of yarn of a certain brand. You know the yarn size but you can't afford that yarn. Find a similar but cheaper yarn. The original yarn came in balls of 98 yards . The new one comes in skeins of 198 yds.. Now find out how many skeins of the new yarn you must buy to make your sweater. ( I know, I know !!!) You divide 198 into 2000 - the information about the original yarn is a trick. If you want to use a smaller yarn - a sport weight and the pattern calls for a 4 - worsted weight - you get 20 stitches every 4 inches how many stitches do you need to have 50 inches? 
So we don't escape math. He pops up into our lives, doesn't he?  And I do have a problem with him. I have a theory : God gave me my math problem to keep me humble. If that was the plan, its worked, God ! I feel humbled before the lords of math. Thank God, though I have my husband - he can be irriating at times, being a detail-loving, math doing Virgo but he is one great calculator wrapped in a rather pleasing male body.
But : How does he do that thing with songs, though? He can sing songs he hears just ONCE?

I'm down to 188 - its hard to see change still from the inside but my husband says he sees it from behind ! (Can't resist the smiley faces all the time, you know.) I am succeeding. I go back the doctor sometime in December and find out if my blood-sugar is out of the dangerous range, and yes, I stayed away from the candy last night - it was a little challenging but only at first when I opened the bags.  Discipline - especially self discipline is something I have mastered at my age but it doesn't mean I can't fail to control myself, it only means it doesn't happen often.
Some of it was only 41 calories each and I could have... but the sugar issue - scares me ... diabetes is nothing but terrifying. I am walking more and seeing real changes in my energy levels when I do so. Hills, which we have many of locally don't seem so tiring. Halloween was a success but not as busy as I would have wished. I wish we could always have the night on a weekend or Friday night, I enjoy the children visiting, the costumes, the giving away of candy so very much. Next year, if I get down to the weight I want to be I am going to reward myself with a wonderful costume - something medieval or Renaissance, I think - not scary, just well done handiwork with some of my hand made laces.
Here is an example of what I am eating - yesterday was a bit high calorie wise... about 710 - usually I tried to keep it down to 500. None of it was candy or sugar calories. I wanted to eat a little more fiber.
Morning : oat meal with one tablespoon of 'smart balance spread' and Stevia sweetener.
Noon : some broth or V8 juice. Sometimes 1 oz. of some brand whole wheat cracker.
Dinner : A sandwich of flat bread and 2 oz. meat, lettuce, tomato, onion, mustard. Sometimes one cup of a 100 calorie soup by Progresso.
I use whole grains & fiber to control my IBS. If I eat pasta I eat only 1 cup whole wheat pasta and 1 cup of my home made sauce.
After dinner : we have fresh popcorn with no butter or salt while watching a movie.
I wouldn't suggest big people eating 500 calories. I would also suggest you ask your doctor for advice. I have both low thyroid and IBS to deal with... devils and hard places ... really. But I want you all to know  IT IS POSSIBLE - I am finally, ultimately doing it !!!!!!
A final Note tonight : We had chinese tonight.  I chose cashew chicken (always less calories.) and no rice  ( counted the cashews I don't think there were 6 in the entire dish.The whole dish was about 1 1/2 cups.) - ate take out, by the way. Checked all the books and on line. Got everything from 250 to 700. Its scary, right now, because I don't know the calories but I didn't eat much during the rest of the day -  had some crackers for breakfast and a little broth for lunch with some fiber for IBS --- well, I think I did well ... heaven's its a challenge ! Seems impossible that we are only supposed to eat 1200-1500 calories a day. I am eating 500 and I breathe in more calories walking to the grocery store! What did our ancestors do? Were they all fat at 56? How did man get to this point ... I read about 10 course meals in the Middle Ages..were they all fat?  I sometimes wish I could stop eating entirely and live without food so I would never have to weigh a handful of crackers or a slice of roasted beef, again and I've got another year of this to go, people! God help me. I am going to go mad blathering over my calorie counter book, one of these days !
Question : is 'blathering' a word?

Can I have a house elf for Christmas... PLEASSEEE ? just one. Make him funny and cute and a really hard worker - I'll even knit him a hat, scarf and booties and free him just as long as he sticks around and helps me with the housework. Heck, I'll sew him a wardrobe if he does my dishes ! I don't want to OWN Mr. House Elf; I am satisfied with a servant that I pay, if only a little (not hardly rich as Italian Witches, go, I suspect.) plus room and board.
No, I am not getting my work done. I am not doing nearly enough. I am doing my Christmas shopping and making gifts of various kinds. I am so far behind in just about ever facet of my life I have been writing here for about 2 weeks with any real consistency.
About three weeks ago my doctor read me what can only 'the riot act'. It was so frightening Leon took a week off in the middle of September and we went walking and began our diet with salads and full reduction in all food that week - The dear man really, really loves me - He walks every day with me. I think I am finally calming down and finding my voice and peace, once again. I tend to deal fear by first screaming and then growing very introspective.

Actually, that poem - I admit that pathetic poem a week or so ago was a heart-felt revelation of the situation. I am in rather a mess health-wise. I could end up very, very sick if I don't do something... not only diabetes but a heart condition. I have a load of physical problems I don't like to talk about - talking about them always sounds like whining to me no matter how much I try to explain feeling sorry for me (or me feeling sorry for myself !) is rather silly and an awful waste of time. Part of the list is inherited junk, part, just a long and somewhat colorful life : so short I don't need the calories big people need, really, really flat feet so almost all walking is rather painful for me almost all the time, hypothyroidism that I suspect is inherited and suddenly popped into existence sometime in my 40's, twisted toes that are bent all kinds of ways and most annoying and very embarrassing : I have IBS - irritable bowel syndrome which makes dinner and post-dinner times sometimes rather shorter and more interesting than it would otherwise be ! Sometimes it doesn't even have to be dinner. I am an Italian of the old fashioned kind who loves to cook for friends and family and its really a kind of cruel torment to deny me the joy of both making and eating a fine dinner - making salad every day is incredibly uncreative and utterly boring. I fell so severely in my early 20's that I permanently did something to my lower back and my upper leg goes slightly numb or tingles or just plain hurts - see what I mean about whining?

I really am short (How short is she?) 4 feet, 9 inches, though one nurse claimed 4 feet 8 inches but I will deny THAT until my dying day. There is a lot to be annoyed with when you under 5 feet tall- though, I have always trying to enjoy the humor of the siltation more than dwell on some of the problems involved with being short in a tall world.

The doctor kept telling me to reduce my calories ... 1500 ? gained weight ... 1200 ? still gained weight. He thinks I am eating 1200 a day, now. .. poor, deluded doctor. Try between 300 - 600 averaging about 500 a day and I still am going down rather slowly. Leon is eating maybe 1000-1500 a day and has lost at least 11 lbs. I am not sure exactly how many I have lost but I suspect its about 9. I bought about about dieting and the thyroid and I am going to educate myself - something I should have done the day I found out that my weight was, in part, caused by an untreated thyroid problem. I have always wanted to write something about IBS - because I've learned a lot about very useful ways to keep it under control, but have never had the nerve because - well, its embarrassing.
See what I mean about whining ?
I am busy, also, with preparations for Christmas - not only shopping but pulling some decent gifts together, what I mean, I need to wash & finish, fringe, box some shawls I made earlier this year - I don't have as much made as I did 2 years ago and I don't think I am going to finish that much in the next 2 months - so I need to get some quick gifts made and ready to send before the end of November or the beginning of December. I have to mail everything (We joke that getting to know us is a one way ticket out of the Northwest because all our dearest friends seem to move away soon after becoming our friends!) very, very late November or perhaps the first week in December .