Ah, the fool's day ! I am no good with surprises - sorry - My husband is a little better at the practical joke.. he's better at EVERYTHING ! 
I could say that I woke up this morning and realized I had grown two inches --- I WISH ! Now, that would be a joke !!!!!!!!!!

The Fool (The foolish one, the practical joker, the seeker, the class clown, the town fool, etc...) is a sacred image. Very few people understand this, today. We make fun of people calling them dorks, jackasses or naive fools, or 40 year old virgins. etc.. - but the fool is actually a sacred person set apart from the rest of us - in the tarot card above he is directly and clearly identified with the Seeker after Truth. The Native Americans (who in my head will always be Indians no matter how much they insist on the longer name, they were not native to this shore, alas,guys, we are all immigrants - the difference is when !) treated mad men with respect.. there were several incidents in the 19th. century when they left a white man alone because they thought he was crazy. They knew what for I speak - that the mad are holy.

The Fool - (And I am not talking about people that actually believe in global warming or the movies of Michael Moore, 9/11 conspiracies or the aliens eating their homework dreams or what ever you are personally for or against!)  Is  the Seeker -  he is also called the Mystic. He is crazy - mad, actually - he really, honestly, completely believes that there is something more to life than mere matter, dancing atoms, hormones, science, Brittany Spears, Name that Jackass, latest fashions,  diamond rings and communism -- he believes that there is another reality behind this reality - the realms of spirit and soul - and they are the TRUTH behind appearances. and - by all that is Good & Just - He is going to go searching for that other reality, even put his well being, perhaps his life on the line - or over the cliff, because he really believes there is something more to life. No one can stop him - his little dog is trying - (that is actually is body and mind barking its meaningless drivel - it is  also that Lord and Master of this era --- REASON demanding the man's worship but he is ignoring it...)  but He is going to jump off the cliff of Matter (material realm) into his dreams, visions, intuitions, hopes, prayers and desires... he may crash to the ground far below - or he may soar to the heavens on the wings of spirit - towards that brilliant sun behind him, perhaps - is that the sun or is that God that blesses him with warmth &  life?   It doesn't matter. He has made his decision and is committed, he's even put what earthly things he thought might help him on the journey in a little sack that he carries on that stick - which looks like a magician's staff, doesn't it?  you can see his decision to just JUMP, it is the white flower he carries in his hand... white symbolizes innocent desire and purity of purpose. The number of the card is important, also - "0" that moment just before we take an action... scientists even have a name for it - the singularity - that moment before birth, that moment before all things began - the zero point of creation... he is ready to jump - shall he soar to the stars, to God, to the Divine ONE  or is he really the stupid fool, the nonsensical one that refused to believe that "This (the earth, matter) is all there is.."

And it doesn't matter if he does fall and fall until his life ends on the rocks below... it is the intention with which he set out that really matters. He is NOW and Forever  On the Path - next lifetime he will be born again and will again try that cliff - He will someday soar, no matter how many times he crashes to the rocks. The Seeker, once he begins seeking, never gives up.

I use the Fool to great effect in the novel I am writing - May Day the herbalist James chooses one of the young pages or servants in the castle and gives him certain herbs that dislodges him from his normal consciousness. He is the FOOL, incarnate - he can do anything he wants that day - he can sing silly or nasty ditties, dance along the allures, pull the veils off ladies, stand upside down in the throne room for an hour, treat even the king and his family with disrespect, bow to servants as if they were kings and queens and demand that nobles fetch his dinner ...  (there are certain limits but we won't mention those in polite society, will we? ... ) and he can predict/utter prophecies, also .. anyone can walk up to him and ask for a prophecy of the coming year... the fool because his feet are in both worlds will and often, in my novel, does give a prophecy, in fact, several. He wears the traditional outfit of fools everywhere - funny clothes, silly hat of conflicting colors, two colored hose and carries a rattle.

Some of my favorite  FOOLS throughout history & literature :
The first walking fish that left water, First human to say "what's that thing?" and got burned by fire. The first man to go over that distant hill, the first man to leave Africa, Socrates, Moses, David, St. Francis of Assisi, Ramon Lull,  Joanne of Arc, Giordano Bruno, Cyrano De Bergerac (from the play, scene 2, not history!) Frodo Baggins and his Uncle Bilbo and of course, don't forget that great master of the foolish, Don Quixote.
And this is the short list !!
So, be a fool, my friends. It will irritate those who worship their own self important egos, it will get you called all manner of names by scientists and religious people,  it will drive your friends to wrath and disregard, the insults to you will become unceasing amusement to your spirit, and, yet, that cliff still awaits you -- will you step off into the unknown or not? 

And, no, I didn't mention FAITH >>> but you have good sense - or is that foolish sense -its implied, people, isn't it ?
 
 

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 4 calling birds....
Hi there, everyone ! well, Christmas is not yet over. We have the twelve days of Christmas counting down. I am very old-fashioned about Christmas. I don't usually decorate until the 15th. and I don't take down my nativity scene until the 12th. day - which is, of course, the 6th. of January. I sometimes leave the tree up all twelve days, though other years I take it down a bit early...
Look here to understand the meaning of the old carol and to hear it played:

http://www.carols.org.uk/the_twelve_days_of_christmas.htm

The twelve days are called Christmastide (or Christmas time) in the church's calender and it has to do with a time of festival that encompasses Christmas, itself, St. Stephen's day, New Year's and then, as the finale, January 6th., the epiphany, the day we commemorate the coming of the Magi to the home of Jesus and his family. St. Steven is believed to be the first Christian martyr - and unlike the Muslims we have to be KILLED not do the killing to be called a martyr; in Christianity - killing yourself is suicide and is frowned both on earth and in eternity. Oh, its a good way to become a ghost, in case you are wondering! (You never escape ANYTHING.)

There are many traditions the world over about Epiphany... from the wise-man cake to the actual giving of gifts that day, some do not celebrate it at all, though traditional Christians do consider it an important day. The gifts of the wise-men are symbols of Christ's life : gold for king-hood, myrrh for sorrow & death and frankincense for godhood. I try to burn frankincense and myrrh on the 6th. before my nativity scene. They are spicy scents that I particularly like and are still available as both oils and in solid form from herb companies.

In both the Catholic and the Episcopal Church the priest wears WHITE with gold trim. It is a joyous time for we celebrate the coming of the light. In truth, I think the one thing exceptional about Christianity is it's native, bottomless, endless JOY .... In Christian mythology Christ is always identified with the sun - and just because its mythology it doesn't mean it isn't true. All of his symbols are solar in origin.  As many christian  philosophers have said, Christ is prefigured as the solar lord; Apollo, Ra and Lug would all be on that list.  When the Church was deciding feast days early in its history the coming of our light, Jesus, was naturally put  just past the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, when the sun is lowest in the sky, December 21 or 22nd - by Christmas, the coming of the new sun (The sun turns around and days slowly lengthen again. ) we celebrate the coming of the spiritual sun/son. This is purposeful and planned, pointing to a great truth in Christianity.  The Christian myth works - all myth always work on a different plane of consciousness and myth always teaches us inner realities that could not easily explained or understood without myth, but Christian myth is especially skillfully creative. It inspires the even the mind when it is told by a skillful writer.

 We don't know exactly when the Magi arrived but it has always been guessed that it would have been soon after the birth. It does not matter, though, whether they arrived 12 days or 12 weeks or even twelve years, later, and neither does it matter if  they never arrived to worship the new born Christ, for the mythic aspects still work: The wise men are often shown as belonging to the major races of man :African black, European white and golden Asian - we don't know much about them though we do know that the Magi are an actual sect of astrologers who worshiped Light in the form of fire - ie. the Zoroastrian religion - a gnostic religion of the Middle East (Iran) and India - which believes that the universe is a never ending battle ground for the forces of Light and the forces of darkness and they are very close to my own philosophy, in many ways. In their coming, in their acceptance of both his God-head and his kingship, they are symbolic of all of us and they showed that Christ came not only for the Jews but for all mankind.  From the very beginning, Christianity was meant to be universal and open to everyone. Christian myth is always its most powerful aspect. I would suggest you read about the "Hunt for the Great Unicorn" tapestries if you want to do research into the mythic aspects of Christianity. There is always pure history (first century Middle Eastern politics, the astronomy of ancient times, for example.) and the mythic realm : the star, the wise-men, the search for the holy grail, the hunt of the great unicorn. One is for the mind, the other for the heart. I always prefer the myth to the details of the history, at least in my religion. Facts prove nothing of any value in spirituality and religion.

The Zoroastrians still exist but they are a minor religion of mankind. Gnosticism has always existed in one form or other. It is not a religion, itself, though elements of it often appear in religions.

                                    TO EVERYONE !!!!

If you survive the arousal of the Kundalini and 55 years of life you are bound to learn something sooner or later and there seems two or three steps to such growth of knowledge and understanding. While you are actually having experiences you don't consciously worry about all the implications, though, down deep your mind is always working to make sense of what is going on. It takes years, though to assimilate all your experiences and even more years to come to some conclusions about what it may all mean.

For example : I panicked the first time I realized my vision implied a Christian universe, because I had a lot of bitterness and dislike for that religion and also blamed Christ for what a lot of his adherents had done to me both in this life and in my past lives. (A very grave error!) Jesus Christ and the Churches are two very different - things- most of the time. Churches are human institutions run by faulty human beings, therefore always flawed. Christ is the manifestation of God's love for mankind and all of creation, he is both spirit and person of Trinity of Love. A lot of the last 24 years has been the struggle to learn this. I haven't got the 'forgive Christians and Churches for their meanness' thing down quite yet, but I am working on it, what I find is that, after many years I realize they took from me nothing of value and that I am strong enough now to stand on my own, and also, I see them for the poor troubled fellow human beings they really are, instead of the immensely strong masters and Lords they seemed to be. I did forgive God for 'what he did' because, well, He didn't do it - it wasn't His will, was it? Cruelty is never HIS will - it is solely a human sin.

The Past can not change; only our understanding of its meaning can change. Forgiveness comes when we see our true selves and see our enemies as they truly are.


What broke is my trust of others - my fellow human beings and it is nearly impossible to put back together. I doubt I will ever belong to any community ever again. (in any real sense of the word.)
I can forgive and I struggle to forgive, but I cannot, yet, forget. That will take some time.


Healing takes time but it does happen. Patience is a very hard lesson but it will ease your suffering if you learn it !


It doesn't help that I have dared to have the very experiences that make me either a mystic or a heretic or a mad-woman - or maybe, as I like to think when I run afoul of some poor fellow Christian, all three. God never promised a rose garden, dear people, He just promised us that we would NOT walk the world entirely alone, HE would be with us, always, even to the end of the world. Trust that it will all make sense in the end!

We are not alone on our long journey through lives to that end we can not see.

God's spirit of Love is always with us. He loves us and Knows when we are attempting a very hard thing, think of a rose, as it blooms, do you think its efforts are without pain?


God is LOVE, there is no darkness in Him/Her. He/She is the down-flowing of creative love through all the universes and planets. He is truly our Father and Our mother. He can no more hate us than a cat can be a dog - it is not in His/Her nature!

Trust God's love. Trust Christ's presence. Growth happens, maturity grows. There are holy souls that no longer come to earth and the Angels, those spirits who were never human yet serve the light. Call on these friends when you need them. You are not abandoned. You are loved.

We will never know the full nature of God or the universe. We are meant to explore and ask questions,though. It is not a sin to be curious about how it all works, it is a virtue ! We seem to see but dimly the Whole while we are in the Flesh, but no doubt it all makes sense & is a WHOLE thing - one fabric.


One of the things that really frustrates me about the nature of human life/mind/understanding is that Science-philosophy-Spirituality are in a war of ideas that never seems to end. Science wants to be master of men's minds but can not rule the heart, etc... I believe, like the Renaissance philosophers, that we see the eye of God (his basic nature, his being) IN nature - that nature is another book that reveals the nature of God and there is no divide between the great disciplines of the mind, heart and soul ! I foresee a day when the Kundalini will be understood in the scientific sense of the word, when even the soul might be proved in some manner. I would suggest that consciousness is different than mind and that is where the work needs to be done. We may never understand the true nature of the "super" natural but we get far closer (to understanding) than we are today. Someday someone will prove that consciousness as energy can stay coherent - together - when it is outside of the body, hence, ghosts and souls.

The soul is immortal and never dies, it is never destroyed by anything humans or the mortal realms do. (to it.)
True death does not, therefore, exist, only death of the Flesh, exists. Ego is transitory and temporary. I have seen many of my past lives, some in detail, some as mere scenes. I think I have about 144 or so past lives. I see them as people standing in concentric circles, circling or even dancing about the hub which is my soul. The furthest back was just a hint of hunter in a very primitive setting telling a story by a campfire as the women cleaned the deer. The last 16 of them, since Christ's life, have been spent here in the West working to bring God's kingdom to earth. I must be a very stubborn soul to take so long to evolve ! But, seriously, for me reincarnation is just a FACT, it is how the universe works, get over it and come to terms with it. I am surprised how much I am like my past egos and how much they were like me - same faults and failures, same virtues, same sins, same goodness. It must take many lives to change even little things, entirely, 'to tie off the pattern in the weave so it does not repeat itself, once again.' To me the whole point of life is to do well at it. Strive to leave life knowing more and being better than you were when you entered it. Live a real life, a sincere life, don't sleep walk (don't take drugs, that kind of thing!) and don't forget, that, that precious ego that you build with each day you live is just a temporary vessel to carry your soul.

Creation and Creativity is when we are closest to God.

Find things to create. A child, a book, a beautifully run house, a sweater, a dress, a business, a painting, a pot. Don't go through life and leave nothing behind when you die. Creativity of beauty, even if it a good meal at the end of the day brings you closer the Divine ONE who created all things in his mind and heart of Love.

Love is not an easy or soft thing. It demands giving of ourselves. It demands doing what is hard to do, not what is easy. It demands risk and willingness to suffer pain and loss. If you love as Christ teaches you will willingly suffer for what you love and believe in most. It is self sacrificial Love.

This, I believe is why so many people find so much satisfaction in hating both Christians and Christ. Jesus Christ did not teach soft human love - he taught a message of a love that is perfected, divine, in its intent. So much of modern culture, today, is the soft love of ease, the liberal love of merciful ease. " Give the poor money so they will leave me alone and so my conscience is eased!" This is not God's love. God's love pushes us to get off our soft behinds and work, strive & study. It demands we become MORE than we are. It sees our full potential and will give us some fine pushes to become what we CAN BE. That is real love. It isn't always pretty and it often seems harsh until we get past the barriers of internal growth and see with wonder, what we are becoming !

God's love pushes us to do those things that are not easy. God's love can cause the Beloved to suffer for a greater good, to even die for a greater good, this is not cruelty but a sign of trust and love. We can be knights in the Army of Light who willingly go into battle for the good of our fellow creatures. We can serve the Light as fully mature men and women.

This is enough for now. It is getting late and I really need to do some housework. It isn't nearly the end. Remember this, though - I give these observations as a gift. You don't have to conform or feel that I am criticizing you. If you hear criticism - it is internal! Instead of feeling pressured, feel, instead, that I am an older sister talking to you about the real world and what I have learned... put these words in your heart and think about them from time to time. They are meant to be seeds, nothing more! (And, yes, they are my second steps!)

I think it should be said and emphasized that each person’s spiritual life, i.e. the mystical path of each person; their biography, attributes, well, everything about them, is individual and unique. Your life, your gifts, your intellect, and therefore, your mystical life, will follow a different path from both my life and mystical life. This should be apparent but it needs to be said. The way I understand the East is that once you have awakened you choose a teacher or a teacher chooses you and you do your best to imitate the Master. (this was portrayed very nicely in ‘Star Wars’. )

The only Master we have, as Christians, though, is Jesus Christ. He is a spiritual man who comes to each person separately when the time is correct and communicates through dreams, intuitions, a few words(heard with the heart.) and visions. He alone can truly give the person what is needed for them to progress on their spiritual Path. When I first experienced His presence I was totally shocked how real he really seemed. As they said, he is no ghost. He is not material in the way we are but neither is he a formless ghost or spirit.

You cannot use me as a road map, Master, or template. I am not any of those things. I am only a fellow Grail Knight or seeker, though I may be more experienced, more mature than another, simply because my awaking was many years ago. I can tell you what I did, what I studied, why my inner urge to seek Truth, God, spiritual growth and emotional maturity grew so strong that I began to awaken spiritually in a very natural way (without a lot of effort), why I could never accept anything but the TRUTH etc. – but that does not mean if you do exactly the same things I did, felt or said! You will NOT be me. (And, trust me, you don’t want to be me!) I think if there is one thing that truly separates Western mysticism from Eastern, beyond the interior-exterior religious dichotomy, it is that Western mystics work their hardest to become true individuals; this process even has a name, individualization - it is a term from modern psychology but it also applies to the processes of mysticism.

At the very beginning, the mystical path is through your own psychology and you may find that you need a therapist to help you through that phase of the process.

Also, the metaphors in the East are often somewhat-to-totally different. Buddhists speak of become a drop of milk in the pool of milk that is all consciousness and a complete loss of self hood in the universal consciousness. Buddhism does not concentrate on God hardly at all, while Hinduism and Yoga concentrates on gods and goddesses and spiritual union with, I think, Shiva (my, how ignorant I am!) ... but, as Christian Gnostics, We speak of union through Jesus Christ with God and falling in Love with God, with a final step – union - i.e. spiritual marriage. For every Christian mystic Christ is the bridegroom of the soul and we do not lose our identity as much we gain an enhanced identity in Christ. Our relationship becomes a true marriage; two opposites that become one never to parted again and through Him we are also One with God. It is one of the reasons that marriage is such an important human institution; it points to the supreme mystical experience a human can have while still in the flesh.

While the East speaks of ending the wheel of rebirths, Gnostics speak of living endless lives of intense love & service, retiring only when all of human history is over – or, as Christ said, he offers more life, more abundantly.

There are several myths, images and metaphors that have enhanced my spiritual life:

1. The New Testament is the story of Christ's life. Reading it carefully it is possible to see in its pages our own Path, struggles, defeats and victories. We each must follow Christ to the cross. As Christ said, it is enough for the student to become like the Teacher.

2. The search for the Holy Grail and spiritual Knighthood. The Grail is that which we search for, the nexus between God and us and it is the place where spirit meets flesh = is Jesus Christ =is the Cup that was the first communion between God and man = is the heart of the mystic when Christ becomes the Lord of the Heart Chakra.

3.Another is the Image of the Rose – (it has the same meaning as the Lotus in the East.) The rose has its feet in the clay of the earth, is mortal but it opens its heart, mind and soul to the warmth of the sun or SON and blooms because of its/His heat/light! Also: we are a rose on his rosebush ‘I am the vine, you are the branches.' This refers back the 'Song of Songs' in the Bible : "I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys." The 'Song of Songs' is a set of poems, very ancient, and refers to our relationship with the Divine as well as the love in a human marriage.

4. This metaphor comes from a vision I had of the meaning of my own spiritual awaking. I saw myself climbing a spiral stair case that looked like DNA – I walked up it and repeated time after time were similar experiences in the shape of colors, the spiral stair case lead me to a tall tree, branch to branch I jumped, in the tree were lights 7 in number (after the seven main charkas) and, then, reaching the highest branches of the tree, I could go no further. I was distressed until a hand reached down from a cloud and pulled me up beyond the tree. The hand was the hand of Jesus Christ. I interpret this vision to mean first, physical evolution, then, the psycho-spiritual-consciousness evolution of progressing through the Chakras via the Kundalini, and, then, finally, union with Him through love.

4. "Mysticism" by Evelyn Underhill is a good history and description of traditional Christian mysticism. 'Mysticism' the book is free here. For those of us who have divorced ourselves from the organized churches, it has it's drawbacks, but it is still quite worth studying.

5. The Tarot is a good guide for the Christian gnostic if it first understood that the Tarot is religion neutral. It is the user who puts meaning into the Cards. They are a tool with symbols so general and universal that they can be used in many ways and by people of many traditions. Also, please, always do a cleansing and dedication when you use the cards so no evil or mischievous spirits/entities can bother you! Study and read several books as you learn the meaning of the cards. I used it for quite awhile and still return to it when I need to think about the Path. I suggest a deck that is both traditional and positive. The cards that mean the most to me are: the Ace of Cups (the holy Grail), The Hanged Man ( both Christ and the mystic) Resurrection, Death(transformation) and the World (Unity) If you ever want to amuse yourself look through the cards and see how many of the images refer you back to 'Star Wars' or 'Lord of the Rings' ( thus, the meaning of archetype!)Once you know the Tarot you will recognize the archetypes in many places, and, yes, even in popular culture.

Oh : here is a little test : What does "the Fool" card mean? What am I trying to say? Can you, with your imagination, study the card and understand its implications ? If you need some help watch the first half hour-1 hour of Star Wars !