As everyone  here knows by now I am a gnostic Christian. I use the word gnostic as an
adjective, meaning that I do not belong to a gnostic religious sect. No,  gnostic describes what I believe is true - the world view I hold as correct. While there are religions existing today here in the West that have gnostic aspects to their theology (Even when they, themselves don't admit it!) there is no true Christian Gnostic Religion in the early 21th. Century. The Albigenses, the Cathari have all perished, killed many centuries ago,therefore, Gnostic can no longer mean a sect of Christianity.(And I admit this is a personal opinion.)
What I mean by the word gnostic is that I believe that all good religion and spirituality is the quest for personal growth and maturity and that Wisdom (Sophia, Gnosis) is the real quarry in all spirituality. It can not given or taught, or forced on a person, wisdom is acquired by a worthy Seeker over a lifetime of effort, study, prayer and disciplined Searching for Truth.

I found recently such a perfect set of Tarot Cards based on my own world view (Finding anything that reflects my inner world and vision is very unusual.)  that I thought I would mention it, here, in case anyone is interested in such things. The set is called:
The Grail Tarot : a Templar Vision
The book is by John Matthews and comes with the cards
The cards were designed by Giovanni Caselli
That Tarot plays a functional role for the spiritual seeker - it is a road map to the higher realms on consciousness. We use our cards as a meditation device and as a way of understanding our Path -  It is also our road map to our inner realms. Each set of cards is very different and there are card sets today.
The cards cover in pictures the entire Path to enlightenment - or, in some failed attempts, at least enough of the Path that you are well on your way if you use them and go beyond their limits. I suggest that once you begin to study the cards you immerse yourself in all the world's mythology, legend and scripture - you will see connections and meanings in the cards at a constantly deepening level.

As you see above, the Magician card is correctly the Gnostic Christ. The gnostic concept of Christ differs in several important ways from the Church concept. His divinity and role as savior are less emphasized and his role of Teacher and Master of the Wise is brought to the forefront. He is what we should become if we fulfill our potential as souls.
 (Hence in this card He is the Teacher, the Magician who is knowledgeable and has already mastered the Hollows - cup, sword, stone and lance.)
 In the card Christ points towards Heaven (as above) and his other hand points towards earth... (as below). This is the great truth of Hermeticism & the Tarot - that everything is interrelated and that the entirety of creation is a Whole thing that works in concord with itself. The stars, in hermeticism can influence human life, for instance. The cards, simple pieces of paper can reflect the inner life of the Seeker. This is, for me the most important card of the set, for any tarot deck to have useful meaning for me it must have Jesus Christ at its heart as my great Master, teacher and friend and, also, the quarry of my search for he is, also, in his feminine form, Lady Wisdom - the objective of my search - that which the
Grail will teach me, and the Grail itself - For Christ is the Path,
the Quarry, the Wisdom I will earn I keep the Path.
"I am the Way, the Truth and the Light..."

This is also an interesting card.
It is the Fool card in the deck. The fool is the Seeker. He
decides for some reason to go on a journey. He takes very
little with him. A nap sack and a few possessions, perhaps
a little food. He has heard the Grail exists and he wishes to
find it and behold its' awesome beauty. The Grail is, for a
Christian seeker, always the nexus (meeting place) between the soul and the Divine ONE. It is that thing or place where humanity and divinity meet. It is usually believed to be a cup (the one used by Christ at the last supper.) such as one one that hangs in the air in this picture. As you see the road ahead is long and he must face his first challenge - cross a gorge balancing on the edge of a sword. Will he lose his nerve, his desire for the Grail at the first challenge, no, he looks ahead and he is ready to cross.
The image of crossing a gorge on the edge of the sword. You may remember the literary classic, The Razor's Edge, by W. Somerset Maugham.
It is well worth a read. It quotes an Indian text. "The sharp edge of a razor is difficult to pass over; thus the wise say the path to Salvation is hard."
There is also the image in the Perilous bridge in the tales of the Round Table, again the edge of the sword. You choose either courage or cowardice - not to mention that you must stay balanced and concentrate on the task below your feet! From the very beginning you realize that the Spiritual Path of Enlightenment is not for children or cowards. It takes the utmost courage and fortitude to overcome all the challenges and reach the castle of Holy Grail.

How I use the cards : I do not usually 'read' the cards or use them for divination. Instead, I use them as a language - archetypes of the spiritual path. I meditate on the images. I write about them, I work to install them into my unconscious so that my soul has an image library it can use to communicate with my conscious mind. I have even dreamed of the Tarot over the years and I find Tarot images in many places - movies, even historical events and certainly in my own inner imagination. Always study every detail of a card - the details matter, they are there for a reason.

No deck of cards made by another will be absolutely perfect for everyone or even anyone else, it is best to use a deck that speaks to your imagination and viewpoint - world view.

By the time you reach your 50's, as I have, I have been on my spiritual journey for nearly 24 years, in fact, today is one of my important spiritual anniversaries - called a conversion experience in the old mystical manuals. I could, if I drew, make my own cards and design my own deck but I am not quite ready for such a mammoth undertaking - it is a wonderful surprise to see someone has designed a set of cards that is quite acceptable.
It occurs to me you may know nothing of the Templars - they were a monastic order of priest-warriors who fought in every major crusade of the Middle Ages. They seemed to have adopted over the years gnostic tendencies and they were, in France, at least, all captured Friday Oct. 13th. 1307, imprisoned, tortured and most were executed. I suggest reading about them to learn more.
 Most confessed of horrendous actions under torture - but, in the end, I do not believe any of the church's claims - heretics, perhaps, I am a heretic and consider the word a compliment!

To buy I suggest either Barnes and Noble or Amazon.com

Today is Good Friday - why do we call the day that we commemorate the death of our Master and Lord, good? Because without the sacrifice of his body on that cross we would never know how much God loves us - all of us, even those who do not recognise Him or His love.
Peace today, dear friends. Let us never forget that one man out of all of humanity gave his life to rescue the rest of us from alienation, materialism and ignorance. He loved us and still loves us. Jesus did not die on the cross - He lives, still, our good, dear friend and companion, in our hearts if we but welcome Him ... IN. He does not need to 'come again' - he, dear friend that he already is, will always be with us - for this life, for all our lives, until we are with him forever in that place of Light we call Heaven. There is no up or down, no there or here ... there is only one reality - His presence in our lives, in the world, in eternity, forever.
 For us, he did all this. He is our Bridge to the Father of Lights. He is the great bridegroom that desires unity with those souls who desire his love. He is the savior, he is the best example of what a man can become if he has a brave heart and willingness to give everything he is to the cause of human spiritual evolution.  He is our proof that God never abandons one of His own, not even when they are on a cross. The emptiness of death is an illusion. There is only Life. Life in and out of bodies, life as energy, life as matter, but always life.
There is only Law in God's realm - the law of Love. Love and Mercy. All else is man's laws and mean nothing. If you love you will keep the 10 commandments, if you love you will do God's will in all things, if you love you will serve mankind and do your best to be a good person.  That is what Jesus Christ proved to us that day nearly 2000 years ago. Love. Mercy & Sacrifice.
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Leon has bought me a new video card that is very friendly to Ubunto Linux. I am finally playing games and learning how to tweak the card, too, to get the most from it. That is one thing you must do with Ubuntu Linux... always check for compatibility... that means all hardware. We just bought a new printer/fax/copier/scanner (HP J5780) works great with Ubuntu Gutsy and I suggest it for anyone who wants to operate a printer in Linux. Came right up, no fights, no debates. I am going to write a letter to HP and thank them for making decent drivers for Ubuntu.

I am serious about two very different things right now :Learning Programming-Learning Ubuntu Linux operating systems (I see it as one thing - a unified project.) and getting back to writing my novel. I have been struggling with Insomnia for a long time and I am trying to find what combination of herbs and mild drugs work best to get me to sleep when I lay down so I will have a good chunk of time in the very early morning in which to do both projects. It seems to me it is also, somehow, a matter of will - though, that also seems impossible, doesn't it?

There has been a lot of coincidences or serendipity after I chose to return to writing. A laptop computer fell into my lap, almost literally -  a friend gave it back to us, he was using it to work for one of our old employers. Originally it was Leon's computer at the original company (and yes, it is convoluted.)  It is mine now. I will be able to take it into the garden in the summer and write ... Lovely? oh, yes. Not a fast machine but it will be fine as a Typewriter. I already told you about the printer - it is also smaller than our old HP and it gives me space to spread out my note books as I type. Lovely? oh, yes.

And yes, I am still losing weight but rather slower than I was. I need to keep the discipline from lagging or growing stale ... well, we all know its easy to grow distracted and careless - I am about 160 - 161(?) - I've lost nearly 50 lbs if I am doing my math correctly.

I am also working to put my 'back room/library/sewing room/computer room/craft room, storage room in some kind of order. I am considering it a possibility that I will sew clothes for the summer and I need to get my sewing machine out and running, though I am realistic with my expectations it is another reason to have more time to myself in the early morning... that means order or something very close to order... or maybe just orderly chaos? God, I've a lot of paper hiding in weird places... advertisements never opened, appeals for contributions from the Republican Party, Salvation Army, etc... the usual drift wood that comes from living in this decade- so I am working on that this week. I also need to get my recipes in order. (What a project!) Not to mention my file cabinet which is slowly going into something like the twilight zone of disorder.  What about the paperless society that they talked about ..?  I don't remember my parents getting tons of mail, do you remember anything like today's flood of snail mail advertisements?

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me 4 calling birds....
Hi there, everyone ! well, Christmas is not yet over. We have the twelve days of Christmas counting down. I am very old-fashioned about Christmas. I don't usually decorate until the 15th. and I don't take down my nativity scene until the 12th. day - which is, of course, the 6th. of January. I sometimes leave the tree up all twelve days, though other years I take it down a bit early...
Look here to understand the meaning of the old carol and to hear it played:

http://www.carols.org.uk/the_twelve_days_of_christmas.htm

The twelve days are called Christmastide (or Christmas time) in the church's calender and it has to do with a time of festival that encompasses Christmas, itself, St. Stephen's day, New Year's and then, as the finale, January 6th., the epiphany, the day we commemorate the coming of the Magi to the home of Jesus and his family. St. Steven is believed to be the first Christian martyr - and unlike the Muslims we have to be KILLED not do the killing to be called a martyr; in Christianity - killing yourself is suicide and is frowned both on earth and in eternity. Oh, its a good way to become a ghost, in case you are wondering! (You never escape ANYTHING.)

There are many traditions the world over about Epiphany... from the wise-man cake to the actual giving of gifts that day, some do not celebrate it at all, though traditional Christians do consider it an important day. The gifts of the wise-men are symbols of Christ's life : gold for king-hood, myrrh for sorrow & death and frankincense for godhood. I try to burn frankincense and myrrh on the 6th. before my nativity scene. They are spicy scents that I particularly like and are still available as both oils and in solid form from herb companies.

In both the Catholic and the Episcopal Church the priest wears WHITE with gold trim. It is a joyous time for we celebrate the coming of the light. In truth, I think the one thing exceptional about Christianity is it's native, bottomless, endless JOY .... In Christian mythology Christ is always identified with the sun - and just because its mythology it doesn't mean it isn't true. All of his symbols are solar in origin.  As many christian  philosophers have said, Christ is prefigured as the solar lord; Apollo, Ra and Lug would all be on that list.  When the Church was deciding feast days early in its history the coming of our light, Jesus, was naturally put  just past the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, when the sun is lowest in the sky, December 21 or 22nd - by Christmas, the coming of the new sun (The sun turns around and days slowly lengthen again. ) we celebrate the coming of the spiritual sun/son. This is purposeful and planned, pointing to a great truth in Christianity.  The Christian myth works - all myth always work on a different plane of consciousness and myth always teaches us inner realities that could not easily explained or understood without myth, but Christian myth is especially skillfully creative. It inspires the even the mind when it is told by a skillful writer.

 We don't know exactly when the Magi arrived but it has always been guessed that it would have been soon after the birth. It does not matter, though, whether they arrived 12 days or 12 weeks or even twelve years, later, and neither does it matter if  they never arrived to worship the new born Christ, for the mythic aspects still work: The wise men are often shown as belonging to the major races of man :African black, European white and golden Asian - we don't know much about them though we do know that the Magi are an actual sect of astrologers who worshiped Light in the form of fire - ie. the Zoroastrian religion - a gnostic religion of the Middle East (Iran) and India - which believes that the universe is a never ending battle ground for the forces of Light and the forces of darkness and they are very close to my own philosophy, in many ways. In their coming, in their acceptance of both his God-head and his kingship, they are symbolic of all of us and they showed that Christ came not only for the Jews but for all mankind.  From the very beginning, Christianity was meant to be universal and open to everyone. Christian myth is always its most powerful aspect. I would suggest you read about the "Hunt for the Great Unicorn" tapestries if you want to do research into the mythic aspects of Christianity. There is always pure history (first century Middle Eastern politics, the astronomy of ancient times, for example.) and the mythic realm : the star, the wise-men, the search for the holy grail, the hunt of the great unicorn. One is for the mind, the other for the heart. I always prefer the myth to the details of the history, at least in my religion. Facts prove nothing of any value in spirituality and religion.

The Zoroastrians still exist but they are a minor religion of mankind. Gnosticism has always existed in one form or other. It is not a religion, itself, though elements of it often appear in religions.

                                    TO EVERYONE !!!!

The cross has always troubled me. Perhaps this is true about you, too. Many Christians are not troubled by its implications because they see it as a one time event that only Jesus Christ had to endure for the rest of us (to save us from our sins.) but I am not one of them, in fact, I rarely talk to Christians about the events of Christ's execution because they do not accept my views of its implications. I think, above all, it is because I took the personal call to follow Jesus Christ very seriously that I see the cross as part of my path, too, an event, or, perhaps, events that must be endured and may occur multiple times in my life.
(Few are asked to physically die for what they love best, any more, but there are more ways to suffer than mere death & death is the least of my problems! )

I would also add I think it is the cross that makes Christianity as unpopular as it is with many people, today - oh, they have their excuses: the inquisitions, the crusades, modern science, advancement of man and all that ... but it is the idea that a Christian may - most certainly, will be called to suffer, sooner or later, that bothers most people and causes them to mock and despise Jesus Christ and all who follow him. We humans strive to be comfortable and happy and we collect money and wealth (physical things) to make our lives so - as our constitution says it's one of the rights of man - but here is a religion that makes a terrible execution device and the man dead on it the utter center of all its good news and hopes and adds that death was not the end for Jesus Christ, but the beginning of a new life, a life renewed, and yet, different from mere mortal life.

We all have suffering in our lives, difficult things at the center of our psyches that must resolved if we are to grow into mature souls. Sometimes it is childhood events that are entirely buried so deep we don't even know they exist. Other times, they are right there before us like addiction and sexual misbehavior are, undeniable faults that can not be escaped no matter what we do until we deal with them. Modern psychologists make their living helping others solve the inconsistencies, immaturities and terrible wounds many of us suffer in life. No one can say that they have never suffered. Some suffer physically, some emotionally but no one has a totally pleasant life.

Also, the cross implies something none of us like to think about - complete and utter abandonment; an abandonment so complete that a man of perfect faith and strength was convinced, at the end, that he was abandoned by his Father - his Abba, who, He believed, He was united with in a very special way. It must have been like losing his essential self as he hung on the cross dying inch by inch. Death is always an abandonment, I suppose, but Jesus Christ was particularly alone on the cross; His friends and family were nearby but they could do nothing but watch him suffer and bury him once he was gone. His community - many of his fellow Jews, especially the priests, called him heretic, a man apart and exiled, the Roman governor tried and sentenced him, He died outside the gates of the great city between two common criminals, and of his male disciples, the only one who had the courage to stand at the foot of his torture device, was the loving and faithful, John. It was not a quick death and it was very, very painful.

We all suffer abandonments - a lover, a mate, family member or friends who leave our side never to return. We suffer the deaths of friends and family members (yes, even pets) and must find a way to continue on with life though our grief eats our souls alive.

Christ made abandonment the center of his life and message - and with the abandonment comes a message, the message of Easter. Abandonment isn't the fate for the soul that follows Jesus Christ, for it was not His end. For, if Christ was abandoned on the cross to suffer alone, separated from all, including his Father and the spirit of Love, He was NOT abandoned, forever. Death, the great thief, could not separate him from life and love once He had entered his Father's spiritual Kingdom. Something happened the morning of the third day. And it is in the Resurrection that I put my trust - what others call Faith. Yes, death comes but so does life.

There will be times when I lose all, perhaps, even my own life, perhaps, the loss with be metaphorical as with the dark night of the soul or perhaps it will be literal, but Death is never the end for one who gives Jesus Christ the great "yes". Rebirth happens, not only as reincarnation as I strive for spiritual perfection, but rebirths within life as love and hope are born renewed. Easter happens. The cross is empty but so is the tomb and the soul that struggles to love as Christ loves, rises every time it dies.
The Death and the Tomb are lies. There is no death.
Easter Sunday will dawn and will always dawn.

I think it should be said and emphasized that each person’s spiritual life, i.e. the mystical path of each person; their biography, attributes, well, everything about them, is individual and unique. Your life, your gifts, your intellect, and therefore, your mystical life, will follow a different path from both my life and mystical life. This should be apparent but it needs to be said. The way I understand the East is that once you have awakened you choose a teacher or a teacher chooses you and you do your best to imitate the Master. (this was portrayed very nicely in ‘Star Wars’. )

The only Master we have, as Christians, though, is Jesus Christ. He is a spiritual man who comes to each person separately when the time is correct and communicates through dreams, intuitions, a few words(heard with the heart.) and visions. He alone can truly give the person what is needed for them to progress on their spiritual Path. When I first experienced His presence I was totally shocked how real he really seemed. As they said, he is no ghost. He is not material in the way we are but neither is he a formless ghost or spirit.

You cannot use me as a road map, Master, or template. I am not any of those things. I am only a fellow Grail Knight or seeker, though I may be more experienced, more mature than another, simply because my awaking was many years ago. I can tell you what I did, what I studied, why my inner urge to seek Truth, God, spiritual growth and emotional maturity grew so strong that I began to awaken spiritually in a very natural way (without a lot of effort), why I could never accept anything but the TRUTH etc. – but that does not mean if you do exactly the same things I did, felt or said! You will NOT be me. (And, trust me, you don’t want to be me!) I think if there is one thing that truly separates Western mysticism from Eastern, beyond the interior-exterior religious dichotomy, it is that Western mystics work their hardest to become true individuals; this process even has a name, individualization - it is a term from modern psychology but it also applies to the processes of mysticism.

At the very beginning, the mystical path is through your own psychology and you may find that you need a therapist to help you through that phase of the process.

Also, the metaphors in the East are often somewhat-to-totally different. Buddhists speak of become a drop of milk in the pool of milk that is all consciousness and a complete loss of self hood in the universal consciousness. Buddhism does not concentrate on God hardly at all, while Hinduism and Yoga concentrates on gods and goddesses and spiritual union with, I think, Shiva (my, how ignorant I am!) ... but, as Christian Gnostics, We speak of union through Jesus Christ with God and falling in Love with God, with a final step – union - i.e. spiritual marriage. For every Christian mystic Christ is the bridegroom of the soul and we do not lose our identity as much we gain an enhanced identity in Christ. Our relationship becomes a true marriage; two opposites that become one never to parted again and through Him we are also One with God. It is one of the reasons that marriage is such an important human institution; it points to the supreme mystical experience a human can have while still in the flesh.

While the East speaks of ending the wheel of rebirths, Gnostics speak of living endless lives of intense love & service, retiring only when all of human history is over – or, as Christ said, he offers more life, more abundantly.

There are several myths, images and metaphors that have enhanced my spiritual life:

1. The New Testament is the story of Christ's life. Reading it carefully it is possible to see in its pages our own Path, struggles, defeats and victories. We each must follow Christ to the cross. As Christ said, it is enough for the student to become like the Teacher.

2. The search for the Holy Grail and spiritual Knighthood. The Grail is that which we search for, the nexus between God and us and it is the place where spirit meets flesh = is Jesus Christ =is the Cup that was the first communion between God and man = is the heart of the mystic when Christ becomes the Lord of the Heart Chakra.

3.Another is the Image of the Rose – (it has the same meaning as the Lotus in the East.) The rose has its feet in the clay of the earth, is mortal but it opens its heart, mind and soul to the warmth of the sun or SON and blooms because of its/His heat/light! Also: we are a rose on his rosebush ‘I am the vine, you are the branches.' This refers back the 'Song of Songs' in the Bible : "I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valleys." The 'Song of Songs' is a set of poems, very ancient, and refers to our relationship with the Divine as well as the love in a human marriage.

4. This metaphor comes from a vision I had of the meaning of my own spiritual awaking. I saw myself climbing a spiral stair case that looked like DNA – I walked up it and repeated time after time were similar experiences in the shape of colors, the spiral stair case lead me to a tall tree, branch to branch I jumped, in the tree were lights 7 in number (after the seven main charkas) and, then, reaching the highest branches of the tree, I could go no further. I was distressed until a hand reached down from a cloud and pulled me up beyond the tree. The hand was the hand of Jesus Christ. I interpret this vision to mean first, physical evolution, then, the psycho-spiritual-consciousness evolution of progressing through the Chakras via the Kundalini, and, then, finally, union with Him through love.

4. "Mysticism" by Evelyn Underhill is a good history and description of traditional Christian mysticism. 'Mysticism' the book is free here. For those of us who have divorced ourselves from the organized churches, it has it's drawbacks, but it is still quite worth studying.

5. The Tarot is a good guide for the Christian gnostic if it first understood that the Tarot is religion neutral. It is the user who puts meaning into the Cards. They are a tool with symbols so general and universal that they can be used in many ways and by people of many traditions. Also, please, always do a cleansing and dedication when you use the cards so no evil or mischievous spirits/entities can bother you! Study and read several books as you learn the meaning of the cards. I used it for quite awhile and still return to it when I need to think about the Path. I suggest a deck that is both traditional and positive. The cards that mean the most to me are: the Ace of Cups (the holy Grail), The Hanged Man ( both Christ and the mystic) Resurrection, Death(transformation) and the World (Unity) If you ever want to amuse yourself look through the cards and see how many of the images refer you back to 'Star Wars' or 'Lord of the Rings' ( thus, the meaning of archetype!)Once you know the Tarot you will recognize the archetypes in many places, and, yes, even in popular culture.

Oh : here is a little test : What does "the Fool" card mean? What am I trying to say? Can you, with your imagination, study the card and understand its implications ? If you need some help watch the first half hour-1 hour of Star Wars !

There seems to be not only individual karma but, also, racial and societal karma. Again, an example is necessary. Edgar Cayce, a mystical prophet of the last century suggested that many Atlantian souls are being born in American bodies & that we must work through the karma of the last battle between the forces of light and the forces of darkness that corrupted the city before its demise. Other issues such as slavery, women's rights within society, the duty of parents to their children, Children becoming good citizens, the way to maintain balance between order and chaos so neither predominates, sexual morals, religious attitudes, conflicts between science and religion ...I would suggest all these issues are karmic issues as well as being modern concerns.

Another observation I would like to make is that many of us may be also old Romans and are dealing with many of the same issues that the Romans dealt with as their society collapsed. I know I am, and, sometimes, I have a strong feeling of repeating patterns when I read the daily news. Barbarians at the door? People obsessed with popular culture? disintegration of order, Chaos, Crime as chronic problems? Oh, yes, been there, done that, long ago! (de'ja' vu)

Do I believe in Atlantis? Yes, but I suspect it wasn't quite as advanced as some suggest. I think it existed at the end of last ice age and may have reached the same point or level of civilization we see in Ancient Greece and Egypt - I, also, believe that it did not sink as much as the waters rose and that it is on a continental shelf, somewhere, waiting for discovery.

There have been many westerners, that is, people who lived west of Athens who believed in Reincarnation. It is not as unusual as some think. My personal favorite is Giordano Bruno, but others include:Origen (Greek Theologian), Socrates, Plato, Goethe, Ben Franklin (who had the the courage to mention it on his gravestone!) The Albigenses, also known as Cathars , Jewish mystics (the Kabalists) and numerous others. For details look for the book "Reincarnation: the Phoenix Fire Mystery" complied by Joseph Head and S. L. Cranston. My copy is somewhat old so look in used book stores and on the net.

If you think in the soul's way you see that it is worth mastering subjects and working hard in life to become good at what you do. Think of a Mozart, who came into life already a master of music... how many lifetimes did he have to work to have a life where it came more or less easy to write his incredible music? It doesn't mean you won't have to work but you have lifetimes to master those things you consider important. Your interests are hints to what you worked at in your past lives, also, you don't have one lifetime to master knowledge but many. Plato suggested that teachers do not actually teach students - they remind them of what they already know! You will attracted to those things you valued in your past lives.
As Christ said, don't worry - who can make herself taller by doing so ! (I am 4'8" so I should know.) Honestly, though, worry just silences the voice of the soul... that deep well of knowing and understanding that we all have and worry makes spirituality impossible. And, yes, I know it is almost impossible not to worry. My husband says I am a mistress of the worried face look.

There was a song, a long time ago, "Lovely to see you, again" was one of the lines. The Moody Blues sang it back in the 1970's. Reincarnation implies that no one is ever gone and therefore, no one is ever lost, forever. I find this both comforting and troubling. It is one thing to meet up with a good friend - but what about your enemies, for instance, the man who signed your warrant for arrest as a heretic ? (ouch!) Also, the implications are that we have Hitler's rebirth to look forward to, someday! Not pleasant, is it? So what do you do when you meet an old enemy? I actually have and there is only one way to break a pattern and cut the threads connecting our souls, forever, in such a case. It is forgiveness. Hard to do but the patterns keep repeating themselves until an issue is resolved and forgiveness acts like a cosmic scissors. This seems to be one lifetime when all my old enemies walk up to me and introduce themselves, and, I, looking straight into their eyes say the word to release them. Tell you the truth, I just don't care any longer. I got better fish to fry and worrying about the past is hardly the way to go about frying them!
Revenge and anger, even hurt feelings are like glue.
Let things Go. No use, holding on to the past, its gone, over with, it's history !

I do not honestly know if there is a heaven or a hell but I tend to believe in heaven - or, as I call it, Eternity, as a final resting place where God, Christ and all those who no longer reincarnate, abide. I don't mean a literal place up in the clouds, either, but states of being... dimensions of consciousness that exist along side and even within the universe. It seems that vibration, energy, light has something to do with these dimensions - the higher the vibration, the higher the consciousness and the closer to God you are, and, the lower the vibration, the closer to complete evil and darkness you go... I tend to think of hell as not a place of fire but a place of utter stillness, pain of abandonment and dark chill - the death of love. It is heaven I imagine as a fire, not a painful fire, but the fire that does not consume, the fire of love and utter passion, completeness and wholeness. LIGHT. I do not honestly know what happens to those souls who choose the darkness of hate, materialism, egotism and cruelty for multiple lives. I have read a lot about the subject but I have never come to final conclusion. I would suggest that they will cease to exist when this universe ceases to exist and that their fate is in none-existence but I admit part of it is that I don't think God would punish souls forever, what is the point if you can't ever be redeemed or choose to be redeemed ? It would be kinder to end their existence. So hell? I have my doubts. Some have suggested that they might be forced to evolve all over again! (I am a one celled *@#&3 WHAT???!) The Hindus suggest that if you become too arrogant you fall down to the bottom and have to work upward,again. Can you imagine the shock of an ancient, evil soul when it finds itself a beetle rolling dung up a hill? Perhaps all the memories are washed clean of the soul while its basic energy reminds? There is that universal rule about the conservation of energy, after all, perhaps it applies to souls, also? I have chosen life after life to serve the light so its not something I need worry about, except theoretically.

I do not believe in transmigration once a soul becomes human. I think it's just I don't see how my soul could fit into a cat's or dog's body. (I wouldn't mind a cat's as long as I had me as a mistress!) There is another reason that I will bring up in a later essay. I admit it makes for silly, amusing movies and novels but it doesn't feel right to me. My soul is too complex, anyway, I see no reason to return to my animal roots, I have learned those lessons, already! I do believe that our souls evolved with the animals of the past until we needed a more complex brain to express ourselves, which hints that both forms of evolution are connected in some way. My suggestion is that many of us evolved through the 3 or 4 million years it took apes to become human - and, perhaps, even, before that - For some reason I sense that what ever the soul really is, it is ultimately tied to the entire evolution of life. I see - sense - interplay between the evolution of soul towards union with God and the evolution of our physical bodies towards more and more consciousness. Remember, whatever the evolutionists say about survival of the fittest, evolution seems to favor evolution of more and more complex minds: minds capable of emotions, thought, concern, reflection. The first simple cells didn't do much of anything but reproduce, that cannot be said about mammals. It is in the nature of our minds that we see a lot of what the nature of the soul is... reason, thinking, remembering are examples of the mind-soul connection.

What does the recycling of the soul through numerous lives imply for the human condition, the nature of the individual and the fate of the race?
There is a reason why mankind exists, we are not an end product of physical or spiritual evolution but part of a continuum that has been going on for 3.5 billion years (perhaps far longer) and will continue for millions of years to come. There is a spiritual realm. Souls exist and are capable of living outside a body for long periods. In truth, it is likely that the natural state of the soul is as a form of coherent (sticks together) energy that is most comfortable when it does not have a body. The body is like the uniform of the student and is not permanent form.

Evolution: change, growth, improvement, refinement and survival is a law of the universe and happens at every possible level of existence. Mankind is evolving - all of us, towards something we can not yet imagine.
I believe that souls are coming in to existence, that souls are evolving up through the animal phylums, and the souls of individual humans all reincarnate so there is an inexhaustible source of souls. There is, also, the possibility that souls travel between worlds and dimensions, but if they do, I suspect it is only when the soul is ready for a change of classroom.
We never escape our fate- our Karma. One of the great questions of human life is why do the young and innocent suffer & die when monsters like Hitler and Osama Bin Laden live into middle age, sometimes, even old age? Christ said those who live by the sword will die by the sword but there are many violent men who die in bed in old age. Some mass murderers, for instance, are never caught. How can God allow such injustice? This question has caused despair for generations of mankind and life rarely seems fair to us.
The truth is that God allows us free will - He allows us choices because He wants us to choose to be his friends and lovers as free creatures. The universe is just, however, and, it is through the law of karma that the universe carries out its justice.
The Earth and by extension, the entire universe, is a class room and no one can fully understand the lessons of another student. We do not know what future lives a Hitler or a Bin Laden will live, or how many centuries it will take them to choose the light. We are here to learn, study and excel and Karma is the teacher. What you give is always reflected back to you, both good and bad, so always work towards the good. It will make life easier in the long run. Goodness is not good only for others, it is good for you, personally, it is self interest that causes us to choose the Light of God and Love. It is wise to strive towards holiness, love and goodness.

Suicide is always a very great evil... we are here for a reason, suicide is running away from the lessons, but no one ever truly escapes and their actions will follow them like hounds for many centuries. It is better to be courageous, face the hard lessons, and learn.

While Karma is a very complex issue to contemplate, it can loosely be described as the results of our actions. It is rarely as simple as cutting off someone's hand so your hand is cut off but Karma is the discipline that all souls must absorb if they are to evolve. There is good karma, an example might be a couple has been married before and been very happy and kind to one another, so in future lives, they may meet again and choose to live another happy life, together. They help each other to grow and mature as souls. Another example might be if someone has sacrificed their lives for others & for their beliefs in past lives, they will be given spiritual advancement because of their service to the race.

Because of my choice to be Christian, my interpretation of reincarnation is different from the Eastern philosophies. I believe that we are meant to serve mankind, to help our brothers and sisters to evolve. Therefore, leaving earth & mortal life behind is not a necessarily good thing. I do not seek Nirvana and have no need to return to my source of being forever. Christ, who is our brother and master, has not left us alone. He is right here, in the realms of the spirit, helping all of us to evolve into what he is. Those who follow him do not need to stop reincarnating, no, we need to grow into mature Christian souls who can help all of mankind become more loving, more Christ-like. There are centuries of work, fun, and effort ahead. As Christ said, he came to give us life more abundantly and as he also said we will do greater things than He because He is in eternity praying and aiding us - He said that it is enough for a student to become like the master... and, this, is our ultimate fate, to become like Him in all things. We are meant to be ONE with Him, the spirit of Love and God, united forever in a spiritual marriage of mutual love.

Each life reflects our past lives. What I mean is until a soul becomes a mystic and begins to release the ego (die to the self), letting go of everything that holds it back from soul maturity, we are fated to live through every bit of our karma. Christ is the Lord of Karma and has the power to release us from our personal karma, to some degree, but that is only when we become his friends and serve in his kingdom. I believe that in each new life we must mature as animals, growing up and then mature a little further as souls, using our adult lives to become mystics and die to the ego or self - but, I also suspect that the more lives we live as mystics the easier the surrender becomes. (though, I can not say it has ever been easy for me!)

When Christ spoke of dying to self so the greater self might live (what does it profit a man if he loses his True Self?) and that we must follow him to the cross, He was speaking of allowing the death of the ego the process of self-knowledge and becoming that makes a person an awakened soul. This soul is living life within and through the body as the consciousness most in control .

..It is as if the soul is controlling the 'car' and the smaller ego, the self, is cooperating with the soul's, and through the soul, God's, desires. Before this process is completed, the ego (lesser self) is like an usurper king who thinks he is the ultimate king of the world. He must be deposed for the true King to rule, and this process is called the dark nights of the senses & soul in Christian mystical literature. Needless to say, it makes for a mammoth and very painful battle in which the individual is fighting within himself for dominion, not only that, but he is both the battlefield and both armies during the battle! The first levels of this process is somewhat similar to the same processes that modern therapy uses to help people through a time of crisis.

Abortion is wrong - an evil, because it is murder. I am absolutely sure of the soul's existence within the body from the moment of conception. The body is created as a vehicle of karma and bears within itself the fate of the individual. Perhaps, an example is necessary: Lets say a person mistreated an invalid in a past life. In a future life he must be born in a body with a physical deformity to learn, first hand, the suffering he caused another in a past life. This is a rough example of what I trying to explain. I remember being in my mother's womb before birth as a soul and choosing to stay and live, in my case, it was not abortion but illness that threatened my young life.

Within the deepest parts of the mind/soul/consciousness of a person the memories of past lives are buried. For some, as Socrates said, these memories are more accessible, for others, less. Sometimes, these memories surface in dreams, day-dreams, visions, proclivities, skills and imagination.

Murder is always wrong, unless it is in self defense or war because we must never think we know what the fate of fellow student should be, murder is an evil in so many ways, but one reason is that we are arrogantly cutting a life short. We never know each other's karma. That is something that only the Universe and God can do.

When a woman chooses abortion she is linking her soul to the soul of the fetus for centuries to come. Only when some crisis beyond simple expediency is also occurring is abortion an acceptable action. I suggest for those who do not want children to use birth control, in this way, conception never happens and the soul of the babe is never encased in flesh.

It was wise to see life not as one short life but as one incredibly long life within different bodies. The bodies are like clothes. Some are male, some female. Different lands, times, places, cultures but the basic nature of individual only slowly changes. There are visits to eternity between lives, that can be thought of as vacations and rest periods, before we return to the class room that is mortal life and strive, again, towards our ultimate fate. Therefore, no one ever truly dies. As Bruno said, if I am not here I am somewhere else, if not somewhere else, well, I am here! (wise fellow that he was!)
All of us are born, live and die, only to return when it is time, and, so, return in good time to the class room.
This enough for today. There is so very much to say on this subject !