I thought I would finally write about this episode of my life. It is, I admit, very esoteric here in the West, though less so than it was even 24 years ago. In May 1983 I was 31 approaching my 32nd. birthday. I had decided late in 1982 to begin to meditate, again, after many years away from that discipline and I did so every night after my husband fell asleep throughout the early months of the year. I studied the Tarot cards, which I still like, and read many books from almost every nameable religion & philosophy, except Islam, which I have never liked because of their violent history and their hatred & disdain of womankind. ( my favorites will always be Taoist and Buddhist but my dedication belongs to Jesus Christ!) I had always been attracted to the esoteric and mystical aspects of religion and that more than anything else caused me to leave the Catholic Church as soon as I could be called an adult; I was married by a protestant minister but did not consider myself, truly Christian at that time. I would call myself a searcher during my 20s and thirties: I wanted deeper understanding and truer wisdom.
I do not, though, want to truly explain my long spiritual journey, I want, instead to give what information I know about the Kundalini, with the hope that anyone who is also experiencing its arousal will find this blog and be comforted and reassured by my words.

I remember my chest hurting as May dawned, in the immediate center between my breasts. It scared me, of course. I finally accepted the inevitable and went to the Doctor and found out it was an inflamed xiphoid process, he suggested that I rest and get a lot of sun and assured me it would heal itself. But it was something more; my heart center was awakening, I was awakening as a soul and nothing would ever be the same, again. The Heart Chakra is the center of Love - not sexual love, that is handled by the 2th chakra and is called the sacral center. It handles the love as Christ spoke of - a divine love that never ends, a love for all mankind, the outflowing of love and kindness.

I fear I will do a bad job of this but I will try: The East tells us that there is an energy that flows through all things and especially Living things - human beings. It is identified with sex, particularly, though, not solely. It is the energy of life, called prana by some and Chi by others. It flows through energy veins (not connected to blood veins but it's as good a word as I can summon.) Where these veins or passages cross and recross many times you find a Chakra - a center or wheel in English, which is a nexus of energy. There are seven (7) major centers in the human body - though one of these centers or chakras is at the top of the head and seems actually to be outside the body. This energy system is what vitalizes the human body. The best descriptions of it are Far East Indian; they have made it all nearly a science and philosophy - yoga. The Chinese also discuss it and their acupuncture uses needles to effect the flow of this energy and release its blockage to heal people. (I discussed this previously!) The Chakras each handle certain aspects of human consciousness.

NOW - I am not speaking of human intelligence, but consciousness, awareness, understanding,'gifts', creativity. It is here in these chakras and in the Kundalini that we see the meeting place of flesh, spirit and energy

Perhaps I should go by the circuitous route and explain the centers.
1st. : At the bottom of the backbone, there is Root chakra - it is what ties us to our mortality and the Earth.
2nd: The next handles human sexuality, it is the Sacral .
3nd. :The next is the solar plexus and handles the consciousness of eating, consuming and conquering.
These chakras, the first three, are animal consciousnesses; all animals have them. We became human, though, when we had the potential for more centers and more consciousnesses than the merely evolutionary.
4th.: Heart. The Heart Chakra is solely human as I said it is LOVE - an infinite and divine love, not sentimental and feel good love, it is a love that demands service and doing what is best for others not what makes YOU feel good!
5th. : The throat - It seems to be the consciousness of communications, speaking, of course but also writing.
6th. : The Third Eye - it is the seeing in spirit, the deeper seeing of what is holy and divine in the world.
7th. : Crown Chakra. It seems to be actually ABOVE the body. It connects us to the divine, when it awakens we go into ecstasy and enter before the Divine One - it is the chakra of Union with the Divine.
So there are the centers, we all have them, the worse and best have them, it is part of being human. Each is said to have a color and a tone.

Now the Kundalini seems to be a resting energy; something more than prana flow. The image that comes to mind is resting snakes (it is because it snakes up or winds up the backbone, I suspect! ) I remember actually dreaming about snakes when I first experienced it. It is said to rest at the bottom of the spine on either side, actually, one energy is cold, moon, female energy. The other is male, hot, sun energy, they entwined and sometimes in the highest centers become ONE - it is this union that makes Oneness and spiritual union with the Divine possible.

Why does it rest dormant in most human beings? I don't know for sure but after a life time of reading and experiencing I would suggest it is evolution. I think in mostly European and Western images so I never have an easy time communicating about this subject. The Kundalini energy seems a bit dangerous - it does literally raise consciousness - perhaps, in some future era, more of mankind will experience its effects but for now, full arousal of it is a bit rare as far as I can tell. I have never met another person who has it awake. Perhaps that is because I live in the USA instead of the East but even an Indian man, Gopie Krishna, said it was very difficult to find a master of the Kundalini in India ! His book is still worth the effort, by the way. I would also suggest that I am a very independent person, very old fashioned, in some ways. I like being alone most of the time so I don't go to the places where I might meet others. It is part of my nature to be so and I don't think I could change even if I wanted to.

To return to my own story:
As the summer progressed I began to experience each chakra as the energy rose and burned away the blocks and entered the next chakra - it actually does make them spin like a wheel. It was terribly frightening at times, almost embarrassing, at others.. I was alone or at least felt alone. I did not share with my husband what I was experiencing for a very long time. As I neared late summer, early fall, even, the energy of the kundalini entered the highest chakras (centers, wheels) and I experienced ecstasy 3 or 4 times. I would make you laugh if I tell you what I said after the first one - I will also make myself blush! But oh, what an experience and how I long to have it just one more time before I die! Everything, my dear friends and readers is indeed ONE. We are one and all is LIGHT and LOVE. The love of that which I saw will never leave me and I will never surrender to any darkness either interior or exterior for the Love of the love envelopes me.

It is a very strange experience but I found there was nothing to truly fear. I also found there are many spirits who serve the Light of Love that will help a person who is awaking if the person is awaking out of desire for spiritual growth and dedication. There is nothing to fear if you do not fear hard work, dedication to the light of love and the service of mankind. I must warn you- It is growing up - you are a mature human being, or, at least, a maturing human being... No more excuses, no more excesses or irresponsibility. You don't lose your joy, you find it but you will never sleep walk through life, again - the awaking of the Kundalini has many effects on the body, spirit and mind of a person & many of them are entirely unpredictable. You grow sensitive to a unseen world of energy & spirits. You stand spirit in the flesh and flesh in the spirit.

I, also, found something out that surprised me : I needed for awhile to regress and find some strong rock to stand on. I needed to explore my own soul, my soul's history, the meaning of my own life, the reasons why I was here, the things forgotten and hidden away that I did not like about myself - I needed to clean house and dispose of a lot of rubbish. I needed to forgive, I needed to let go, I needed to accept a great many things that were painful to me personally. I could no longer play at being a person, I could no longer ignore my own inner worlds, I had to make some hard decisions. I found my spiritual images (my visions) were becoming increasingly Christian. I returned to the Catholic Church for a short time but found no home there and realized I did not belong and went to therapy to handle the psychological aspects of my awaking. I experienced a great deal of pain and a great deal of pleasure and some joy that grew stronger as the years passed. I received an spiritual initiation that I do not feel comfortable describing to others, but to say, I dedicated myself to serving others, to bring the light of love into the world. In Christian terms I went through the dark night of the soul in the late 80s and into the 1990's. I grew spiritually, faced the darkness and called it a lie & lier and grew more in love with God and Jesus Christ, every day, something that is still true.

I am not sure what I would suggest to the seeker whose chakras awaken - I am a Christian but I do not believe that my path is the only path. Love is the only path, love, divine love, God's love can be in the Jewish or Indian or Chinese (etc.) heart just as easily as the Italian Christian heart! I am not so sure about Muslim hearts, but they, too have had lovers of God among their number, though, many of them perished at the hands of their fellow Muslims. Perhaps God will guide them all into a greater wisdom than any of them are showing at this time. I trust God's will. I would suggest only one thing: find a religious tradition/philosophy/ mindset that will help you and not hinder you and will help you grow mature. I don't go to church any longer because it would make life difficult and you can love God privately in your home, or as Christ, said, in your closet at night! So find what works and stick with it. Fill your soul - the keeper of your images - with good things. Trust the path; your soul knows what to do, when to do it and what is needed for you to grow. Your wandering days are over. Now is the time to work. Work to love and not hate, strive to be a good, loving, creative person!

And there is my story. I hope that, if you, too, experience the Kundalini you will dedicate yourself to the Light of Love (what ever your spiritual and religious disciplines, otherwise, are!) and you will use the Fire to serve and bring love, wholeness and peace to our planet.

Evolution summons each person who is ready to go further and do more. Answer the call if it is in your heart to do so.